Today, I’m excited to share with you a guest article from a fellow frugal writer, Mrs. Frugalwoods. She writes under a clever moniker at www.frugalwoods.com.ย She details her journey to financial independence and a homestead in the woods with her husband and greyhound, Frugal Hound. I asked her to share how marriage, as opposed to my singledom, could actually help you stay more frugal. Pleaseย enjoy and comment!
Marriage has turned out to be an extremely frugal endeavor for Mr. Frugalwoods and me. It wasn’t our original intention (there was no mention of “frugality” in our vows, though in retrospect I wish there had been…), but it has absolutely been our experience.
Marriage = Efficiency
Being married is like having a lifelong roommate, who you love, and with whom you can share all your stuff. Two people, one bed; it’s the ultimate exercise in efficiency! Over the six years of our marriage, we’ve discovered we can share just about everything other than toothbrushes and clothing. We have one house, one car, one dog, and one bottle of shampoo; although, come to think of it, we do have separate deodorants, which is probably for the best.
‘Til Death Do Us Spend
In addition to owning less — by virtue of sharing so many things — we also spend less. We were both pretty frugal before we got married, but our union compounded those tendencies. I’ve found that Mr. FW’s efficiency-oriented frugality has rubbed off on me and likewise, my creative money-saving schemes have influenced him. He convinced me of the merits of simplifying life and I’ve educated him on the ways of thrifting and great trash finds.
The man is now a certified expert in scoping out excellent roadside treasures — last summer he toted home an entire box of free glassware he found by the side of the road. I was so proud. We brought different frugal strengths to the table and by learning from each other, our frugality is now unstoppable.

Being partners in every sense also means that we work in tandem on all aspects of life instead of paying people to do stuff for us. I’ve discussed how we insource everything from house cleaning to Frugal Hound bathing to changing tires to home repairs to cooking and more. But since we’re in it together, the labor is distributed between us. And since we’re working side by side, the labor is actually quite pleasant.
That’s another fabulous secret of marriage: when you enjoy collaborating with your partner, even the most banal tasks become fodder for humor and pleasure. We cracked ourselves up to such a degree while at Costco last week that I thought they might kick us out of the store. What can I say, we have a good time and the canned fish section is frankly hilarious (Cod in a can? Come on, you would’ve laughed, too!).
We also insource our own entertainment. Being old, boring married folks means we love staying in on Friday nights (it’s pizza night after all!), snuggling Frugal Hound, and watching movies (until I fall asleep… circa 9pm). Our entertainment costs decreased rapidly after we got engaged and have continued to plummet. We’re big believers in going on dates — we just happen to do them cheaply. Free days at museums, hiking, walking Frugal Hound, romantic dinners at home, Costco trips apparently… we find plenty of ways to entertain ourselves for $0.
Shared Financial Outlook
More important than our practical applications of frugality (say through our $0.39 rice-and-beans lunches) is our shared financial outlook, which guides how we’ve decided to structure our lives. Mr. Frugalwoods and I feel incredibly fortunate that we found each other and evolved together into the frugal weirdos we are today.
Our united approach to money enables us to pursue our goal of quitting our jobs, reaching our version of financial independence, and moving to a homestead in the woods of Vermont in 2017 at age 33. To facilitate this, we’ve attained an aggressive 71% savings rate (not including maxing out both of our 401Ks). I can say with confidence that neither of us would’ve had the discipline or vision to achieve this by ourselves.
Without this mutual long-term ambition, we’d be adrift and untethered in our overarching aims. But having our future homestead on the horizon keeps us both on the same page and happily operating on frugal autopilot. Plus, we get to have hot finance dates during which we review our spreadsheets and whisper sweet nothings about safe withdrawal rates in early retirement. Told you it was steamy!
The Ease Of Joint Finances
Communicating openly about our finances for the duration of our relationship has fostered an environment in which we trust one another implicitly. Thanks to this trust, we’ve been able to streamline and combine our finances.
For us, having joint finances is about both efficiency and respect. It’s easier on a daily basis to dip into our communal pot for paying the mortgage, buying 6-lb cans of garbanzo beans (we have a mild obsession with homestead hummus), and ordering Frugal Hound’s toothpaste. It’s also a reflection of how much we respect and trust one another — we have no qualms about combining our resources since we know the other person approaches money with the same frugal worldview.
If one of us was dramatically more or less frugal than the other, I think we’d be in for a challenge. Communicating about financial goals, or what we’re comfortable spending, could become a tense encounter involving guilt and accusation. Mr. Frugalwoods and I aren’t identical in our beliefs, but we are aligned in the core tenets of frugal optimization, minimalism, and spending only on the things in life that matter most to us.
Financial Checks and Balances
We provide a system of financial checks and balances for each other. Talking through potential purchases helps us identify our priorities and realistically determine what we actually need and what’s merely a want. When we decided to buy an electric blanket earlier this year (yes, we live on the wild side), we discussed and researched options together, which made us both feel bought into the process.
Anytime Mr. Frugalwoods wants to buy a new beard comb/tool/kitchen implement, he talks to me about it. This type of communication doesn’t stem from distrusting each other, but rather from the respect we both have for the other person. We apply this team-purchase approach to everything from socks to our future homestead.
By engaging one another in every purchase we make, we continually create opportunities to check in with each other financially. These frequent conversations (sometimes about things as mundane as a bag of sweet potatoes) ensure that we don’t resent one another’s purchases or, more crucially, drift apart in our view of money.
When I accidentally broke Frugal Hound’s toothbrush last week (no clue what happened, I swear, the thing just snapped), instead of immediately ordering a new one on Amazon, I talked to Mr. Frugalwoods. And sure enough, he had an idea: why not try using a human toothbrush we’d gotten for free from our dentist. Guess what? It totally works in a dog mouth.
I realize this doesn’t sound like an earth-shattering discovery–after all, doggie toothbrushes are only $7.29–but, it’s a perfect reflection of how ingrained our shared spending habits are. Plus, we don’t buy much stuff, so I don’t have a whole lot of recent examples ;). It’s second nature for us to consult one another on even the smallest of purchases, which makes our conversations about the biggest ones (ahem, a homestead on 20+ acres of land) follow the same familiar, successful framework.
Marriage Made Me A Minimalist
Ok maybe not a fully fledged minimalist, but a whole lot closer than I was before. Prior to Mr. FW’s good influence on me, my life (including both possessions and brain) was cluttered. I owned too much stuff and I was stressed about way too many things. Mr. Frugalwoods, on the contrary, owned perhaps too few things (he had a mattress on the floor without even a mattress pad, people) and had too little stress. I quickly introduced him to the concepts of proper bedding and home decorating. See how helpful I was in adding to his stress levels? ๐
Mr. FW brought me around to his way of thinking: it’s liberating not to be owned or defined by your stuff. He also helped me let go of caring so much about what otherโs think. I’m still an imperfect work in progress on both of these fronts, but I can say that minimalism of both the mind and the physical space has been wonderfully freeing for me.
And as for Mr. FW’s mattress on the floor, we now have a comfortably (albeit minimally and almost entirely from Craigslist) furnished home. Mr. FW often remarks on how cozy our home is, which makes me beam with pride. Some things, like bed frames, are just worth the expense.
Frugality Is Good For Our Relationship
Parallel to the balance in simplicity that we brought to each other’s lives is the benefit that frugality has had on our relationship. By stripping away the distractions of lifestyle inflation and the endless pursuit of more stuff, more experiences, and more “needs” on the consumer carousel, we’ve been able to focus on what matters most to us. As a result, our marriage has flourished under frugality.
We’re no longer distracted by what the media or neighbors are saying we should own, do, or feel. Instead, we’re focused on what we want out of life and how we can make the world better in our own tiny way. Our homestead plan wouldn’t exist if we were still bogged down by the consumer rat race. It’s only through extreme frugality that we’ve been able to take stock of our lives and realize that we’re not fulfilled working our full-time jobs and that what we truly desire is to work side by side in nature every day.
I’m deeply grateful that frugality opened my eyes and forced me to be honest about the direction of my life. It allowed me to push aside the pointless preoccupations of image, wealth, and success and instead devote myself to my dream of building a life out in the woods with Mr. FW.
Parting Thoughts
For Mr. Frugalwoods and me, our marriage is integral to our frugal worldview. Our frugality has reached new heights thanks to our combined efforts, and as a result, we’ve reaped the benefits of simplicity and focus within our relationship. To go this journey without shared goals would be tremendously difficult and would likely make our wildest dreams unobtainable. But together, we’ve been able to eliminate the noise and acknowledge what we want our lives to encompass. We’re frugal, content, and aligned in our vision of the future.
How do you communicate with your partner about money?
Generally speaking, my fiancรฉ and I are comfortable when it comes to talking about money. We are quite a frugal couple.
That’s wonderful that you’ve got the rhythm of communicating about money down!
I can relate to just about everything you’re saying. We also have “hot finance dates.” Even when we have a babysitter and go out, we inevitably find ourselves talking about our financial values and goals. We discuss most non-routine purchases, but always remind ourselves that we are on the same team and it’s not a competition to get what I want. I agree that we’ve learned a lot from each other’s strengths and weaknesses. I am the more thrifty and philosophical one, while he loves reading about bigger picture, practical financial topics. So we share strategies and what we’re learning, as well as tag-teaming work in and around the house. We’ve had to become a team more than ever since having kids, which has been enjoyable.
Sounds like you two have a great system in place. It’s such a gift to bring your different strengths together and work collaboratively towards mutual goals. Makes all the difference in having a relationship that’s a true partnership!
I’m the one with a strong interest in all things personal finance. So I do all sorts of planning and nerdy spreadsheets and then talk to my husband, so we can make decisions together. My husband isn’t nearly as interested in the planning aspect, but he is naturally pretty frugal. So we generally make a good team.
Making those important decisions together has been crucial for me and Mr. FW too. It’s all about being on the same page and wanting the same things. Sounds like you’ve got a great teammate ๐
We communicate about money on a daily basis. It’s often a topic of discussion at the dinner table with our 3 children as well. We want them to understand that it’s okay to talk about money and make sure they are prepared as they begin their financial lives.
I love that you involve your children in your financial conversations! What a perfect way to teach them about fiscal responsibility from an early age. Our culture really has made money a taboo topic–kudos to you for breaking down those barriers for your kids.
This is simply something I need to get better at……
The wife and I never have money fights, and neither of us is friviolous with our spending, but I need to communicate better with her about where we stand. I do my best to involve her, but she tends to take more of a hands off approach because she know’s how hardcore I am about it. Thanks for the tips!
I think it totally works to have a leader/specialist in different aspects of a relationship. Mr. FW and I certainly divide and conquer on lots of things. As long as you’re both on the same page and communicating about it openly, I’m sure you’re on the right track!
Wow, our marriages are remarkably similar, down to him sleeping on a mattress on the floor and saving almost all of his income when we first started dating. He didn’t even own a car! But together we have come a long way on our frugal journey. We cook almost all our own meals, don’t pay for silly cable or smartphones, pack our lunches, cut our own hair, bathe our dog, etc. We’re not nearly as good as you all – we only save about 55% of our income so far, but we are definitely on track for financial independence!
Haha, that’s awesome! Sounds very similar indeed. And, a 55% savings rate is downright impressive–wow! Congrats to you for forging a frugal path ๐
A really comprehensive post. Bookmarked for future reading, too. ๐
Thanks! I think you two probably have all this down already though ๐
We have gotten a lot better about communicating in regards to our finances lately. Most of it has been brought on by having our daughter last year, but we are at a place now where we both get excited about reaching out future financial goals together. It has taken us quite awhile to get to this point of being on the same page, but it’s fun to dream about our financial future now ๐
That’s fantastic, Christina! It really is fun to work together towards that shared financial goal :). Makes it all worthwhile, in my opinion!
Even though my hubby and I were not always of the same frugal mindset, we have always done a great job of communicating with each other, and it’s crazy to me how many couples do not communicate about money with each other. I am thankful that we have created a space between the two of us that is open and we don’t judge each other on money decisions we work through them as a team.
I think it’s wonderful you two have such an open and judgement-free space in your relationship to discuss money. And, I agree with you–it’s terrifying how many couples just don’t do that at all!
Overall, my husband and I are pretty aligned in our thinking about finances. However, I’ve always been the one who takes care of our day-to-day finances. I finally brought my husband more into it a few months ago, and it was such a relief. I know feel like we’re tackling our goals (paying off debt, saving for retirement, etc..) as much more of a team. I’m still the one who’s reading Money magazine and tearing out articles for my husband to read, but I’m okay with that. Like any relationship, we each bring our own strengths and interests to the table.
That’s so great that you’re feeling like more of a team! I totally agree that each person brings their own strengths–Mr. FW and I definitely find ourselves specializing in one area or another. The key is sharing that knowledge with each other, as you’re doing!
My husband and I have Costco dates as well! They’re a thing. ๐
Haha, yes! Glad to hear we’re not the only ones ๐
I think you’ve highlighted a trend, Mrs. Frugalwoods! What a fun, frugal date. ๐
Once a month, I sit down and pay the bills. The hubby comes home and I tell him we’re broke;0) That’s how we do it! Lol! Seriously though, we each have our own allowance to spend however we so choose but for anything else, we usually discuss. I was actually a very frugal single person and he spent every dime he had. Somewhere in the middle, we’ve averaged out.
It’s wonderful that you’ve reached that middle ground together!
I totally relate to all of your comments. My husband and I have only been married since October but have already found out a lot of what you have including date nights in, Costco runs and living more simply.My husband also leads a much less stressful life and I’m slowly learning to not care so much about things I can’t control and don’t matter.
I ended up going to the emergency room this weekend when a knife fell off the counter and into my foot! Ouch! A couple of years ago I would have been beating myself up about being stupid for days. Now I’m over it. We figured out our budget for the month given the co-pay and I’m healing (and being more careful with knives). If you find a partner who supports you and helps you become a better you it only makes the journey better!
Thank you for sharing how your marriage has fostered a loving and frugal relationship ๐
Oh ouch! I hope your foot is OK! The not caring about things that don’t matter has been just pivotal for me. I’m such a happier person now! P.S. Congrats on getting married–enjoy your first year ๐
You don’t share a toothbrush–AND you have a third one for FrugalHound? Think of the excess! ๐
Seriously, though, I think these are good tips/advice. Marie and I were both thrifty by default (although she moreso han me) and we kind of fell into a comfortable money rhythm because we were pretty darn poor when we got married (living on 1 $16/hr salary for a year and a half). We ended up making more money, but not spending much more, and we kind of ended up backing into the truly frugal lifestyle.
A lot of the time, it can be hard to stay focused on the things that really matter. Having a teammate helps immensely. ๐
Keep on saving,
Charles
*Also, +1 for recommending shared finances. If you’re a team, be a team. Who else are you going to count on? I think certain circumstances (older, second marriage; both partners bring kids from another relationship; etc.) can warrant separate finances, but I think it’s important that young folks getting married view themselves as a true partnership, one against the world, and that means finding someone you can trust with your money. After all, the money is the least important thing you’re sharing.
Oh I know, we’re absolutely flagrant with our use of toothbrushes around here ;). Sounds like you and Marie have a wonderful frugal partnership going on! I know that joint finances aren’t for everyone, but they’re truly integral for us. I think they demonstrate respect, trust, and shared goals in the truest sense.
Love it Mrs. FW! Figuring out what you want and not feeling like you have to follow the herd is the perfect recipe for true happiness in life. I’d only (maybe) care what others thought if they were paying my bills! ๐
Agreed–if any strangers want to pay our bills, we promise to care a little bit ๐
Such a great, detailed post with many helpful tips. Just a quick note to say that you can save even more $$ on your hummus (not to mention keeping those steel cans out of the landfill or recycling) by starting with dried garbanzo beans. ๐ We buy them in bulk, cook ’em up, and make giant batches of hummus for super cheap.
I hear ya on the dried beans–fortunately for us though, our Costco sells gigantic cans of them for just as cheap! We’d certainly go the dried route if not for that source :).
I am glad to know I am not the only one who counts going to Costco/Sam’s and grocery stores as date time.
Oh it is most definitely date time! Woo hoo ๐
My spouse and I have a tendency to enable each other, instead of restrain each other, in the spending department (and in the wine consumption department, too!). It’s never over bad things, or things that we can’t afford, but our frugality is often out of sync. I will be having a “cheap groceries week” for example, to come home to find that my spouse is halfway through making a lavish Friday dinner.
Ah well, on the whole, we are like you, both headed toward an early retirement, with high savings and a healthy balance of saving vs enjoying life.
I agree, it’s all about that long term goal! Sounds like you’re on the right track ๐
Mr Frugalwoods’s views on furnishing sound like my views as a 19 year old! It’s good to hear that you have influenced/complimented/refined his minimalism or it might feel like you were living in a bachelor pad or student accommodation now!
This was a great post – and from the comments it’s great to see that so many people appreciate the importance of your spouse in achieving FI.
Thanks! I think that to be successful, frugality has to be a team effort so I’m very grateful that Mr. FW and I are on the same page about it ๐