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Your Obligations May Actually Be Choices

By Frugaling 2 Comments

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Wedding obligations bride costs money choice
Here comes the bride… And the obligations.

This is a guest article from Stefanie! She’s trying to find ways to stretch her budget in one of the most expensive cities out there, New York City. A graduate of New York University’s drama and psychology programs at the height of the financial crisis, Stefanie discovered the world of financial planning out of necessity. Thanks for sharing your insight!

Almost everything you spend money on is by choice. Yes, you have needs, but you choose those needs. Yes, there are expectations, but you choose which expectations you care to meet.

With the exception of taxes (and health insurance), you don’t have to spend money on anything. Yet, people say it all the time, “…but I have to buy…” But no one is forcing you to buy something. See, you have to recognize that you are the one choosing your spending priorities.

I hear a lot of the “I have to” justification of spending when it comes to social, cultural, and familial obligations. These obligations are typically a duty or commitment to which you feel bound, not something to which you are bound. This is an important distinction.

I know that my personal feelings of obligation and commitment fall on a spectrum. For instance, when invited to a friend’s birthday party, I don’t feel that I really have to attend, but it would be nice. With a wedding, I’ll start to feel more of that sense of obligation. The sliding spectrum continues, and if it’s my sister’s wedding, I feel completely tied, obliged to the occasion. But no matter how I feel about those events, I can’t unquestioningly commit to attending until I’ve assessed the monetary reality.

Let’s say my best friend asked me to be a bridesmaid. I would feel a strong sense of commitment, but not be able to accept until I understood the full financial implications. Would I be expected to purchase a dress? Accessories? Attend other bridal events? What would be the total cost? Now, if I were to assume an average, which according to weddingchannel.com is $1,695 to be a bridesmaid, I would have to decline regardless of my sense of obligation. Unfortunately, that’s a choice many people fail to see, and it impacts their future financial success. Their sense of obligation overtakes everything else. If you can afford it, fantastic! If you can’t, that could be downright dangerous.

The environment, society, and larger culture that you are a part of may harbor even stronger expectations. I’m going to continue to use the wedding industry as an example. It’s a relatable illustration of how we allow the sense of obligation to justify extraordinary overspending.

If I ever get married, there’d be a host of expectations surrounding the big day; especially, as I am part of a strong cultural group with deep rooted traditions. But as strongly as I, my parents, friends, and community feel about those things, the thought of spending $28,400 (the cost of the average wedding in 2013) on one day feels exceptionally wasteful. The funny thing is, a lot of people would agree that the number seems insane, but when they get down to the actual planning and fulfilling the requests of mom, dad, grandma, the girlfriends, the church, etc., suddenly the spending seems justified. Meeting expectations of others, regardless of how impractical, overtakes sound financial decisions.

My challenge to everyone, and to myself, is to never use the phrase “I have to” when it comes to spending my money. At times, I may feel a strong sense of commitment to myself and others – feeling obligated, but at the end of the day, the things I spend on are my choice. If we all accept that truth, perhaps we’ll all be a bit wiser about weighing our financial reality against our sense of obligation in the future.

Have you ever felt obligated to participate (a potluck, wedding, etc.)? How have you dealt with it? When do you feel you can choose something?

Filed Under: Save Money Tagged With: bridesmaid, Budget, Costs, expectations, marriage, money, obligations, self, spending, wed, wedding

The Costs Of Following A Dream

By Frugaling 35 Comments

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Book of Mormon Set

This is a guest article from Stefanie! She’s trying to find ways to stretch her budget in one of the most expensive cities out there, New York City. A graduate of New York University’s drama and psychology programs at the height of the financial crisis, Stefanie discovered the world of financial planning out of necessity. Thanks for sharing your insight, Stefanie!

For those who don’t know, I am a professional theatre actress. At 27 years old, I’ve never made more than 30k in a year. Most of the time it’s somewhere between ten and twenty thousand; although, I want to say closer to ten. I face frequent and long periods of unemployment. After every job I don’t know when or even IF I will work again (in my field).

I can supplement my income by working in a place that doesn’t interfere with my job search (aka, auditioning, which limits me to service, babysitting, trades show hostessing, bartending, and any other place you’d expect to find a wannabe, or rather, a professional actor). My career also necessitates that I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world which compounds the fiscal strain.

While I’ve found a way to make the financial implications of my chosen career path work for me, the desire for a home, family, stability, etc., makes me question my endurance in living this nomadic and uncertain lifestyle. I see friends and coworkers deferring their other life dreams and continuing to tackle “the grind” at 30, 40, 50, 60, and beyond. And I don’t mean the grind of daily work, I mean the grind of getting up at six AM to stand in line for an audition, run across town to get to the next audition, take what little money there is to buy new headshots or take an acting class, then rush to work at four o’clock and close out at two or three in the morning. It’s the grind of trying to survive on passion.

New York City Stefanie

It’s hard. They said it would be. I knew it would be. The only thing I didn’t count on was the trajectory. In most professions, careers are linear. There may be unexpected setbacks or a change that requires a temporary hardship, but generally speaking, you can progressively work your way up in a logical manner.

In my field, it’s more like riding a rollercoaster. You get a job, it ends, and you start back at square one. To be fair, it’s not quite square one because you develop relationships with people, theatres, and companies every time you work. These experiences are invaluable and have actually gotten me subsequent jobs. But still, you have to start over again, unemployed and waiting in the audition line until that opportunity or a new one arises. There’s no telling if it will be better or worse than the job you had before.

Sure, it’s up to you to choose which offers you accept, but when you’ve been waiting tables for a few months, it’s really tough to turn down that performing job, even if it is in Phoenix, in the middle of the summer, for $300 a week. Plus, you don’t get your health insurance benefits if you don’t meet the 12-work week quota. Sometimes you have to accept a job where you’re essentially LOSING money just to qualify for insurance.

It’s hard to take a step backward, in either pay or prestige, but such are the realities when “living the dream”.

The only way I’ve managed to handle a lifestyle where I have so little control is to empower myself where I can, and financial planning is an excellent way to do it. Knowing the uncertainty of my future, financially and otherwise, I put systems and strategies in place to reach my goals regardless of the “dream” trajectory.

I save diligently, I have a substantial emergency fund, and I’m cultivating my “side hustles” like crazy. Maybe in the future, my other dreams will require me to put this one on the backburner. But for now, while I can, performing is priority number one – even if it means sacrificing a stable income, certain employment, likely advancement, and the benefits that come with all of those things. Some dreams are worth fighting for.

Filed Under: Make Money, Save Money Tagged With: Acting, Budget, Career, Costs, Dream, Headshots, Side Hustles, Side Jobs

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