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5 Ways Frugality Reduces Entitlement

By Frugaling 17 Comments

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Glacier Mountain in Colorado

When I used to drive, the roads seemed chaotic. Drivers would cut each other off, give a finger, and visually seethe with anger. Driving wasn’t my favorite activity, but I rationalized a “need” for a car. It would take me to work, school, and play. I had “real” reasons to have one.

I clutched onto this idea and would frequently feel deserving of a car, place on the road, and conscientious, obedient drivers. I’d get furious when someone stopped at a light for a moment too long or was slowly moving in a passing lane. Others were blocking my ability to drive swiftly, effortlessly, and calmly. They were the problem!

Embarrassingly, it wasn’t the only area where I felt a sense of entitlement. A few years ago, I remember complaining that making lunches was an inconvenient task. It took too long. I expressed a desire to be able to afford and not feel guilty about eating out more often.

And then there were all the times where I convinced myself that I deserved something special. My mind of would casually drift into complacency and I’d think, “Because of all my hard work I deserve a treat.” But did was I really entitled something extra, more, or sweet?

Sometimes these thoughts would border on narcissism. I was a special, important person – better than the rest. I’d expect others to conform to my norms and settle into my expectations. I was looking out for number one. I struggled to see what others were experiencing. Like a sudden smack over the head, frugality was a departure from entitlement. Over time, it helped me see my blindspots and grow. Here are five takeaways:

1. Learning to live modestly

As I pursued frugality, life became simpler and more modest. Slowly I built more savings, cooked more meals at home, and made more donations to others. I brewed coffee at home and found ways to get it free on campus. My shoes became more beat up and shirts developed frays. I learned to patch things and upcycle. I sold my car, and bought a bike.

2. Opportunities for self-reflection and growth

With every shift, I realized a different side of my personality. The whole world got a facelift – a beautiful reframe. My bike empowered me to see the city with a fresh pair of eyes. Without the normal trappings of “success” I could reflect on who I want to be as a person. In time, I realized great fulfillment in helping others.

3. Exploring long-term happiness over short-term “fixes”

By choosing this life, I consciously eschewed the easy routes for long-term happiness. Advertisements market a life of joy through possessions, beer, soda, and cars. Oh, the things you can buy to make yourself better! Finally, those words and images stopped working. I wasn’t compelled to go to the mall after seeing an ad, and I became more hostile when I’d see them.

4. Increasing patience with impatience

Before I changed my life, long lines were infuriating. There was an incompetence to everyone around me. The checkout person wasn’t going fast enough and the shopper had too much in the cart. Over time, lines became an opportunity to breathe and think briefly. Similarly, I developed patience with others’ impatience, anger, and entitlement.

5. Departing the rat race

Entitlement is a nasty, nefarious quality. Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to see. Someone usually has to say it to your face (someone did for me). Frugality has enabled me to look for qualities in myself and others that aren’t about how much they can buy. Another’s worth is no longer tied to net worth.

How have you changed since you embraced frugality?
What did you learn?
How might you grow if you suddenly lived more minimally and mindfully?

Filed Under: Save Money, Social Justice Tagged With: car, entitled, entitlement, Frugal, frugality, Happiness, mindful, minimal, modesty, rat race, Simple Living

Stay True To Your Budget And Self

By Frugaling 8 Comments

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Choose your path to budgetary success

Last month I wrote about my “low-income lifestyle” that’s a consequence of my tight graduate student income. I only make about $14-15k per year after taxes and education expenses. Then, I have to account for rent, food, entertainment, and transportation costs.

There’s not a lot of wiggle room. As a student, employee, and writer, I can’t commit any more time to work endeavors. At the end of nearly every week I’m beat up from an 80-hour workweek. I know and admire those who can work this many hours, and still do more. But I never saw that life for myself.

Staying true to a budget and future goals can be challenging. Here are 5 methods I use to stick to my budget.

1. Tell friends and family

“Power allows us a superficial sense of control, whereas true, vulnerable being allows us a sense of authenticity.” —TinyBuddha.com

It can be embarrassing and challenging to let people in on your financial distress, concerns, and budgetary constraints. That embarrassment personally led me to avoid saying “no” or high-spend scenarios (i.e., going to ball games, bars, and expensive restaurants). Rather than admit to myself and others that I had a budgetary problem, I hid behind debt.

One of the most powerful changes you can make today is to tell anyone in your life about debt and/or financial goals. Some friends will be able to provide support, choose more affordable activities, and check-in with you. That connection is fundamentally important, because bucking societal trends to spend more and more can be challenging. Having people on your side is essential.

2. Find accountability buddies

“Men [and women] exist for the sake of one another.” —Marcus Aurelius

While friends can be emotionally supportive to financial goals and concerns, they might not be equipped to be an accountability “buddy.” These partners do more than checking in — they push you to save more.

Find a person, network, or community — online or in person — that can help you stick to your budget. Choose someone you trust, as financial distress is often personally intertwined with psychological wellness.

Spending a lot of money? Likely, there are some external stressors in your life. An accountability buddy needs to be a supportive/challenging listener.

3. Regularly check your budget

”The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” —Henry David Thoreau

Seeing massive bills and debt is frightening. It’s difficult to see a way out of these holes.

One maladaptive pattern I engaged in was avoidance. If I didn’t look at my budget, recent transactions, or credit bill, I wasn’t as stressed out (short term). But then again, I wasn’t trying to reduce the spending, either.

Denial can be the answer, but it’s dangerous; often, delaying budgetary fixes. The nervousness and anxiety must be faced.

I’d recommend making a habit of checking your transactions and bills once per day. There are various methods, but I’d recommend an online option. For instance, with Personal Capital, you can sync nearly every type of bank account, investment account, credit card, and loan. This helps you get a broad-based perspective of your net worth and budget efforts. And it’s all free!

4. Write and/or start a diary

“A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.” —Dalai Lama

Words are powerful — forget people who say “words can never hurt me.” Words make people feel deeply — cry, laugh, and everything in between. Words can help you catalogue, share, and reflect on your budget efforts.

I started Frugaling to do just that: reflect on my efforts, write about personal finance issues, and help others along the way. Others have seen my triumphs and failures — ups and downs. Along the way, I’ve been able to look back through my archives to see how my thinking changed.

Private diaries are another great option! As long as you’re brutally honest with yourself, you’ll be helping to save and stick to whatever budget you set for yourself.

5. Remain present focused, mindful

“Eternal life belongs to those who live in the present.” —Wittgenstein

This step can be the most challenging of all. Most people want to drift into past or future-oriented thinking.

We tend to perseverate on past failures, mistakes, and embarrassments. Alternatively, we tend to think about future potential, hopes, and dreams of a better life than we have right now. Both forms of thinking suck us away from the present moment.

We cannot change the past, and what we do in the present determines much of the future. It’s in the present moment where we can enact change, stick to our budget, and prevent another purchase.

Sticking to a budget takes patience and perseverance: one day at a time. We can beat ourselves up for our mistakes, which make us tragically want to consume more. Or, we can take hold of the moments we have left to live a different life. There’s so much potential in the latter option.

Filed Under: Save Money Tagged With: Budget, Finances, Income, mindful, Mindfulness, Personal Capital, Salary

The Purchase Paradox: Wanting, Until You Own It

By Frugaling 6 Comments

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Audi Luxury Car Vehicle Purchase Paradox
This is the purchase paradox and a nice, new Audi. Photo: NRMA/flickr

Despite aspiring to a new, more frugal life since May, I was looking at used car prices for newer models. Nothing is wrong with my older Honda Civic, but something was stirring inside me; at times, an inescapable and indescribable animalistic desire for more (even if I cannot afford it).

Something shook me from my ogling – a realization. We want what we cannot have. When we have what we desired, we no longer crave it. This phenomenon is the purchase paradox.

Purchase Paradox Oscar Wilde QuoteIt’s in the perpetual want and desire that we maintain our spending – a hamster wheel that is hard to depart. I could simply blame advertisers for causing and creating this false demand. I could point out how our capitalistic system encourages it. But there’s a fundamental human need to perpetuate this paradox.

Seemingly, it is nature to crave what we cannot have and lose attraction to that which becomes ours. We buy a fashionable coat, thinking it’s needed, craved, and desired. Purchased, owned, held, and it’s merely another accoutrement filling your burgeoning closet with stuff. The superfluous is only found after it’s written, purchased, and owned.

We adjust to a lifestyle. Buy the luxuries, feel the thrills, but eventually it fades. Objects cannot be more than fascination for long. They melt and meld into our identities and lives – defining a new normal and looking for the next fix. Bigger, better, fuller, fancier – the search continues.

Flirting with temptation and desire can motivate poor decisions and spending, but it fuels us – fundamentally. I cannot escape my desires every time, but I learn from each. We are walking paradoxes, spending like there’s no tomorrow, while recognizing that our days are numbered.

Filed Under: Social Justice Tagged With: audi, buying, Clothing, desire, fashion, Lifestyle, mindful, need, oscar wilde, paradox, purchase, spending

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