Frugaling

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Stay True To Your Budget And Self

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Choose your path to budgetary success

Last month I wrote about my “low-income lifestyle” that’s a consequence of my tight graduate student income. I only make about $14-15k per year after taxes and education expenses. Then, I have to account for rent, food, entertainment, and transportation costs.

There’s not a lot of wiggle room. As a student, employee, and writer, I can’t commit any more time to work endeavors. At the end of nearly every week I’m beat up from an 80-hour workweek. I know and admire those who can work this many hours, and still do more. But I never saw that life for myself.

Staying true to a budget and future goals can be challenging. Here are 5 methods I use to stick to my budget.

1. Tell friends and family

“Power allows us a superficial sense of control, whereas true, vulnerable being allows us a sense of authenticity.” —TinyBuddha.com

It can be embarrassing and challenging to let people in on your financial distress, concerns, and budgetary constraints. That embarrassment personally led me to avoid saying “no” or high-spend scenarios (i.e., going to ball games, bars, and expensive restaurants). Rather than admit to myself and others that I had a budgetary problem, I hid behind debt.

One of the most powerful changes you can make today is to tell anyone in your life about debt and/or financial goals. Some friends will be able to provide support, choose more affordable activities, and check-in with you. That connection is fundamentally important, because bucking societal trends to spend more and more can be challenging. Having people on your side is essential.

2. Find accountability buddies

“Men [and women] exist for the sake of one another.” —Marcus Aurelius

While friends can be emotionally supportive to financial goals and concerns, they might not be equipped to be an accountability “buddy.” These partners do more than checking in — they push you to save more.

Find a person, network, or community — online or in person — that can help you stick to your budget. Choose someone you trust, as financial distress is often personally intertwined with psychological wellness.

Spending a lot of money? Likely, there are some external stressors in your life. An accountability buddy needs to be a supportive/challenging listener.

3. Regularly check your budget

”The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” —Henry David Thoreau

Seeing massive bills and debt is frightening. It’s difficult to see a way out of these holes.

One maladaptive pattern I engaged in was avoidance. If I didn’t look at my budget, recent transactions, or credit bill, I wasn’t as stressed out (short term). But then again, I wasn’t trying to reduce the spending, either.

Denial can be the answer, but it’s dangerous; often, delaying budgetary fixes. The nervousness and anxiety must be faced.

I’d recommend making a habit of checking your transactions and bills once per day. There are various methods, but I’d recommend an online option. For instance, with Personal Capital, you can sync nearly every type of bank account, investment account, credit card, and loan. This helps you get a broad-based perspective of your net worth and budget efforts. And it’s all free!

4. Write and/or start a diary

“A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.” —Dalai Lama

Words are powerful — forget people who say “words can never hurt me.” Words make people feel deeply — cry, laugh, and everything in between. Words can help you catalogue, share, and reflect on your budget efforts.

I started Frugaling to do just that: reflect on my efforts, write about personal finance issues, and help others along the way. Others have seen my triumphs and failures — ups and downs. Along the way, I’ve been able to look back through my archives to see how my thinking changed.

Private diaries are another great option! As long as you’re brutally honest with yourself, you’ll be helping to save and stick to whatever budget you set for yourself.

5. Remain present focused, mindful

“Eternal life belongs to those who live in the present.” —Wittgenstein

This step can be the most challenging of all. Most people want to drift into past or future-oriented thinking.

We tend to perseverate on past failures, mistakes, and embarrassments. Alternatively, we tend to think about future potential, hopes, and dreams of a better life than we have right now. Both forms of thinking suck us away from the present moment.

We cannot change the past, and what we do in the present determines much of the future. It’s in the present moment where we can enact change, stick to our budget, and prevent another purchase.

Sticking to a budget takes patience and perseverance: one day at a time. We can beat ourselves up for our mistakes, which make us tragically want to consume more. Or, we can take hold of the moments we have left to live a different life. There’s so much potential in the latter option.

Relationships And My Leaky Budget: Learning To Fix Myself And Save Money

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Single, lonely, and spending money

When I was younger, I felt lonely. We’re talking a crushing, oh-shit-the-world-is-empty type. I wouldn’t say I was a deep thinker, but my questions seemed more macro — larger than the everyday.

I use to draw a lot. My art was dark and moody. Often, I seemed to be expressing my disdain for life, and the sadness I felt inside.

I spent money like it was going out of style. I couldn’t resist buying a $1,000+ dollar road bike on a whim, even though I had barely showed any interest in cycling. Oh, and there was that gambling problem, too.

The cash in my wallet was merely an intermediary between work and stores — singlehandedly feeding the consumption our economy supposedly needed. I didn’t save money. It was meant to be spent. I was definitely dissatisfied with life. Another part was fearful of dying too soon. I spent so much money trying to avoid those feelings.

Looking back, I know I made huge spending mistakes. Only now can see how that affected me.

Coupled, insecure, and still spending money

Unfortunately, my spending didn’t resolve itself because I was suddenly in relationships. I thought that would fix everything. When partnered, I felt compelled to impress, treat, give, and spend. I wanted to be easygoing — I tried so hard to be — and spent like it was the end of days.

I couldn’t save money. I was spending whatever I had to make someone else happy. In the process, I only grew more unhappy and indebted to a bank; that affected my girlfriends, too.

Deeply insecure and and spending without pause, my budgets always crumbled. My desire for frugality was bashed in by insecurities and inner loneliness. I cannot tell you how many times I thought, “Am I worth it?” That question always hurt.

Put the oxygen on mask on yourself before helping others
Maybe it’s a trite cliché, but sometimes you have to put the mask on yourself before helping others.

Single and saving money

Back then, I was withering under the pressure. Something shifted in me. Nowadays, things are slightly different; not perfect, but better. I’m able to evaluate situations in fairness and calmly make the next steps for a longer-term future.

I’m single again. Rather than feel lonely, I notice a new security and happiness. I’m surrounded by friends and people I care deeply about, while working tirelessly to help others through my work (counseling).

Every now and then, hunger pains for spending stir in me. I sit before my laptop — a four-year-old Macbook Air — as it whirs away inefficiently and slower than it used to operate. I feel a pull to spend more than I currently have to buy a new laptop. I’ll wait.

I see a wonderful Patagonia shirt, which is accidentally being advertised to me through a YouTube personality. It makes my mind cue up a desire for one of my own. Before I buy that $70+ shirt, I remember what I’m trying to do, and resist the purchase. I’ll wait.

Staying present, focused on my goals

Unlike past years, when I felt isolated and alone, I’m (mostly) secure and hopeful. I’m excited with my days — blown away by the meaning I derive from both my play and work. Somehow the spending is more on my terms.

When I pull out my cash or cards, I know why I’m doing it. I’m not paying off demons inside my head or distracting myself through conspicuous consumption. No, I’m interested in being intentional, thoughtful, accountable to myself and others. When I have a healthy, balanced budget a remarkably simple consequence occurs: I feel positive, too.

That’s what I’m working on.

Conquer Your Urge To Spend?

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Quicksand Picture
Photo: hoodooyoudo

Deep within the recesses of your mind are primal, animalistic urges to spend more than you should. We are born and bred to consume and prosper – shopping comes easy. As the Black Friday madness shows, we can easily gorge on the materialistic desires that haunt us. When we set budgets and realize our fallibility, the urge to spend can easily be replaced by grit to overcome. It is at this point that we are effectively fighting our demons and the unbalanced budget.

Fighting is tiring

But have you ever been in a fight? Whether emotional or physical, fighting is tiring and draining and scary. It strikes a similar but different evolutionary instinct, and can lead to severe psychological distress. Frequently, future frugalers get frustrated by their urges to spend, and punish themselves by cutting credit cards and focusing on creating a rock-solid monthly budget. I’m afraid this energy is misdirected, at times.

Oft-repeated cliches about making more than you spend and creating an emergency fund are abstract concepts, goals that miss the steps needed to get there. More fundamentally, even the steps ignore the reasons behind your desire for change – to become more frugal. What is motivating you to save money and have a better life?

From foundations comes successes

See, what the personal finance world is missing is credit for the psychological foundations. Everyone comes with a certain amount baggage and history. This past influences how we treat money and save (or not). Without recognizing this past, we may not be able to recognize where we err in the future.

In the past, I had a piss poor habit of going to malls to browse and shop because I loved the smiles and energy. The aromatic storefronts welcomed me, clothes glistened from spotlights, and the service was friendly. The problem was most pronounced when I felt alone and/or unfulfilled. Bottom line, for me, shopping and spending beyond my means was directly related to loneliness and purposelessness.

Realizing your own need shopping and/or unbalanced spending leads to a foundation for change and budgetary hope. A house cannot be built without a foundation. But more fitting, a house cannot be afforded without a budgetary foundation. How do you become aware of your motivation for wanton spending?

quicksand cat can haz cheeseburgerThe metaphor of quicksand

Remember those old movies where the bad guy falls into a pool of quicksand, and the more he struggles, the faster it sucks him under? In quicksand, struggling is the worst thing you can possibly do. The way to survive is to lie back, spread out your arms, and float on the surface. It’s tricky, because every instinct tells you to struggle; but if you do so, you’ll drown. –Russell Harris

Debt and financial despair is like quicksand. The more you fight to get out of it, the harder it seems. It is easy, when you’re working to improve your situation, to berate and punish yourself for these ills. Fortunately, there’s another way – a paradox of sorts to becoming frugal and financially solvent.

As the quote says, if you build a foundation for a different reaction to your struggles, you may find calm. In calmness, we can begin righting our course and find a balanced budget. Deficits can be defeating, but they don’t necessitate a battle.

Fighting, flexing, attacking, and breaking your need for spend is a recipe for disaster. Rather, relax and reason are the solution for a positive future. Now, you’re ready to save money with mindfulness!

Save Money With Mindfulness

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happy-journey-e1373409819100
Photo: flickr/Stefan Rüdiger

I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. I’m tired.

Just breathe.

My mind is whirling with self-doubt and questions that I need answers to immediately. My day hasn’t gone as planned, and I’m not going to be able to get everything done. There’s a running dialogue – stream of consciousness – and it feels like it cannot stop.

Just breathe.

My heart’s racing on another caffeine trip. I didn’t get enough sleep last night and my mind’s wandering. Unfortunately, I didn’t pack a lunch, either (written prior to Buy Nothing Challenge!). Rather than the norm – guilt – I feel beat from the frugal life.

Frugaling is working. I’m maximizing my budget and minimizing debt. But sometimes, I question the foundation of saving. A monstrosity of nearly $40,000 in loan debt is boring into me. Sometimes progress is like watching grass grow. Ironically, it’s the little decisions that add up.

There’s a convenience store across from work. More than anything, I want to grab a pack of Twizzlers or maybe a donut. It’s what I crave; weird, I know. Sugar and empty calories. There’s seemingly nothing better when you’re training for a marathon. In these moments of reflection, it takes serious willpower, prevention, and mindfulness to trump the convenience.

Writing these lines makes my mouth water in anticipation. Can I please have it? I’ve been working hard all day. I almost feel like I deserve that food. What’s the harm? It’s only $1.99!

Over the last year or so I’ve tried to insert a more meditative, mindful approach to my daily routine. Mindfulness is about really being present and in the moment with the world around you. It comes in handy when I’m hungry, cranky, and tired. I’m better able to feel the emotions, while also realizing they’re just that. Instead of simply stating, “I’m hungry,” I think, “I’m having thoughts of hunger.” Emotions are an endless stock ticker through the head. Changing the shape of your thoughts can powerfully distance yourself from your cravings.

Mindfulness meditation can be immensely powerful at circumventing the normal bustle; yet, in training, it’s frustrating and challenging. As I try to calm my mind, it frequently seems to run rampant and uncontrolled. I breathe again.

Recently, the New York Times featured the power of meditation in developing deeper empathy:

The next time you meditate, know that you’re not just benefiting yourself, you’re also benefiting your neighbors, community members and as-yet-unknown strangers by increasing the odds that you’ll feel their pain when the time comes, and act to lessen it as well.

Meditation and mindfulness don’t just benefit others, though. By becoming more self-aware and awake, it’s easier to save money. Suddenly rash purchases and conceptualized needs don’t seem as important. You can be present for more purchases and better establish the desires versus wants to save money.

As I left work, I peacefully walked by the convenience store; without those red, tempting Twizzlers and $2 richer.

Just breathe.

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