Frugaling

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How Psychological Pressures Change Your Spending

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Over the last month, I’ve been working on my dissertation. While writing this tome, I’m continuing clinical work at a local VA, instructing two courses, and creating scholarly papers. This might be the busiest moment of my life. And in about a month, I’ll need to hand over a draft to my adviser. And he’ll decide “go” or “no go.” My future depends on it.

The symptoms of this pressure are powerful. I’ve struggled to write, become a nervous wreck, and have unending indigestion. My stomach burbles and gurgles with unease. Simultaneously, Frugaling has been unusually quiet, and I’ve been shocked by the emails from regular readers wondering how I’m doing (you’re so sweet!). I’ve been unable to write as much as I like.

Eventually the dissertation writing will end. But I can’t help but think, I need to succeed. I’m in control of this moment, and I’ve never been more motivated.

Unfortunately, as I’ve focused on this one area, a handful of others things have faltered. Control in one category, has led to failures in others. It’s like my brain can only concentrate on a few things at once; then, it descends into reactive, non-conscious action. My reptilian brain takes over, and I let autopilot handle the controls.

My ideals of frugality and simple living have taken a back seat to this burden. Even after two years of Frugaling, I’m embarrassed to say I still struggle to maintain a budget when the stress hits the fan. With nearly every moment hunched over my keyboard, hammering away at keys incessantly, old habits are returning.

The inner voice says, “I’m too hungry to wait for home. I want to treat myself for writing so much. I need a break – give me that large popcorn.” Me, me, me, me, me. I crave candy, quick meals, and snacks at strange times. Yes, I want that fatty burger and fries. Yum! All I want is to swipe a worry away and not feel guilty for doing so. Suddenly, I can spend $60-70 in a day’s worth of food. Poof!

These moments highlight the complexity of changing a budget and spending less. We can make great alterations to our lives, and still relapse and regress. It happens. And I think I know why.

See, the first 24 years of my life, I didn’t watch spending, create a budget, cook at home, avoid student/car loans, bike to school/work, or look for ways to save. My brain developed a pathway and logic to deal with nearly everything over those years, including when to eat out, buy a car, etc. Frugality wasn’t in the mix, and it got me into 5 figures of debt.

It’s hard to change anything; especially if that’s all you’ve known. The neuronal structure has developed a keen appreciation for certain types of rewards and feedback. Simply put, my brain expects me to spend when I’m stressed. To change this pattern of behavior requires repeated corrective action, recognition of when I’m slipping, accountability from friends/family, and other reward mechanisms.

One of my psychology textbooks curiously likes to say that after about 6 months of change, a habit can stick. Well, I’m here to tell you that’s not always the case. Despite a couple years of successful behavioral change, I occasionally fight to regain control and relapse to old spending.

Various factors work against me. Twenty-four years of bad habits and a society full of encouraging messages about immediate gratification stack the deck. It’s an uphill battle, but I’m better at waging it than ever before.

I might not have perfected my budget but change has occurred. Today, I can realize when everything is falling apart – spending has gone haywire – and stop. Today, I can write this letter of accountability to you all. Today, I can admit faults while acknowledging strengths.

Frugality isn’t about dogma or perfection. We’re on a journey – together – to find ways to save, spend less, and recapture control when we lose it. There’s power in these lessons and the brain – while stubborn to change – does slowly cooperate.

What I Learn Outside The Classroom

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Computer work

“It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral — whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful.”
—David Brooks

Earlier this week I chatted with an old friend about my dissertation. I mentioned that I’m having trouble isolating variables, staying interested, and writing the countless pages required of me. But her advice and guidance helped keep me on track, motivated, and psyched.

At some point during the conversation she asked me about my plan. More specifically, what was my plan with Frugaling. I pondered that question and frankly didn’t understand what she meant at first. “My plan?” I inquired. She responded, “Yeah, your plan. You’ve been working on Frugaling for a long time now. Do you ever think it’ll influence or turn into a career?”

I couldn’t help but laugh aloud. Frugaling has never felt like a primary goal or endpoint. Rather, working on this site has been a break from the normal routine — an opportunity to write freely and talk about personal finance in a forum that didn’t exist for me.

Interestingly, I’ve always lived this way: pursuing one avenue while holding countless activities in the background. In high school, I gambled and watched the stock market in every off block or break. I played at lunch with friends and raced home to sign online for hours of entertainment. Poker and stocks superseded high school. As a consequence, my grades suffered and relationships were strained. Nobody liked the person I had become, including me. The lessons of high school paled in comparison to the power of isolation, overwhelming greed, and selfishness. I learned early on that I never wanted to go back to that place.

Despite the lessons, it was the start of a long pattern of side work/play. In college, I was a resident assistant, op-ed columnist for the school newspaper, research assistant, instructor, and served on various committees for suicide prevention and community service. By the end of my tenure I raised over $30,000 for suicide prevention. Here, I learned the importance of selflessness, friendship, and love. None of which were learned in the classroom.

I’ve been in graduate school for… Well, I’m working on my fifth year now because I spent a year at my alma mater in another Ph.D. program. Then, I transferred to my current one for counseling psychology. But in my one year, I became more immersed in the world of suicide prevention via board memberships and invited talks.

My passion for mental health and community engagement grew, but it stood in conflict with academic demands. When I left the program and moved to another, the professors called me it out and basically said, “You’re a great person to have in the classroom, but you’re distracted and your grades have suffered. There are times in life where you must cut back on certain activities to excel in others.”

That was the first time in my life where I wholeheartedly disagreed with feedback about how I conducted myself. My “distractions” were epic side projects, which got me through graduate school, gave me diverse experiences, and exposed me to entire world of learning that occurs out there — in the world.

See, I can’t help but think that these mentalities are something of an “old guard.” In generations of yore, people would become educated, train for a particular career, and then work until they either dropped dead or retired. They did that one thing — over and over again. If all went well, you retired with a hefty pension and retirement package. You could drift off into blissful security, knowing you’d worked hard and earned the riches to live comfortably.

This mentality of education, training, and career has shifted though. People change jobs more than ever — laterally, vertically, and entirely. Now, a job is a temporary weigh station versus a home away from home. Employers tend to treat employees as expendable moneymakers — easily replaced with another head. And the incentives for staying with one company have largely evaporated. Even when pensions are offered, they’re sometimes cut or stopped altogether.

Frankly, I have an utter insecurity for pigeonholing myself to one esoteric career path and never looking back, sideways, or ahead. It’s utterly frightening to imagine doing one thing for the rest of my life, and I’m not sure that any one employer will empower me to do so.

I’ve been in school for about 21 years. The majority has been spent “distracted” and preoccupied with other loves, passions, and motivations. And I can’t help but think about Neil deGrasse Tyson’s belief that discoveries don’t occur in classrooms — they happen in minds, labs, and connections outside. Heck, Einstein didn’t have his eureka moments in a classroom. But largely, most seem caught up in the rat race of education and prestige.

As I reflect on the future of Frugaling, it’s easy to see how it fits into my life. It will likely never be my number one “career,” but there’ll always be a place for this wonderful distraction in my life. These adventures in time and effort have never failed me. In breaking away from the shackles of needing A’s in all my courses or feeling guilty for not working harder, I’m comforted by the fact that work comes in many forms.

Today we live in a world of great change and diversity, to assume or predict what’s necessary for tomorrow would be foolish. Instead, I embrace the unknown by mixing up my life and embracing my wacky, weird, and awesome interests.

How do you approach your career in the 21st century?
What careers are you training for?
Do you ever work outside work or “distract” yourself? How so or why not?

Living For The Moment – Not Spending It

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There are constant pressures to spend – especially as a twentysomething. Marketing companies have perfected the appeal to youthfulness and adventure. And sometimes people get trapped in façades of the “good life.” They buy expensive cocktails, go to clubs, and spend til the only thing that’s dry is their wallet.

I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t sound fun from time to time. It’s a blast getting to hang out with friends, blow off some steam, and recognize that life is finite. Let’s have fun when we can and spend in the moment. For a few moments we can pretend like the financial pressures of student loans, income inequality, and variable credit debt don’t exist. When we swipe, the worries disappear.

Why am I talking about spending like there’s no tomorrow? Because two days ago I read something that shocked my senses. An Elite Daily author, Lauren Martin, wrote an article entitled, “If you have savings in your 20s, you’re doing something wrong.”

The entire foundation was on the premise of partying hard, networking, and enjoying life when you can. Instead of saving money or contributing to a 401k, Ms. Martin advocated for being on the edge and nearly penniless.

She explained that you needn’t worry about saving at this time because later in life you’ll be making more. With great simplicity, a friend of Lauren’s says, “Don’t save money. Make more money.” From then on, she’s awakened to the idea that buying expensive items is her right and obligation. When she turns 40 and looks back on her twenties, she feels confident that it will all be money well spent.

Her article wraps up with 7 of the most egregious statements I’ve read about finances:

  1. “When you’re too worried about your bank statement, you’re not making your own.”
  2. “When you’re saving for yourself, you’re refusing to bet on yourself.”
  3. “When you have something to bank on, you have nothing to reach for.”
  4. “When you live your life by numbers, you strip yourself of poetry.”
  5. “When you die, you can’t take your money with you.”
  6. “When you deprive yourself, you don’t learn how to TREAT YO SELF.”
  7. “When you care about your 401k, your like is just a ‘k.’”

Giving Lauren the benefit of the doubt, her words can almost be read as aspirational and inspirational. You might think, “Yes, I’m going to live it up while I can and make a name for myself. I’m going to show everyone who I am. Watch out world!” But read them again, and you’ll begin to notice privilege, ignorance, selfishness, and myopia.

Perhaps most egregious of all her recommendations is the age-old line, “When you die, you can’t take your money with you.” The adage is right, when you’re dead, you’re all dead. Unfortunately, this author is missing many of the reasonable reasons to save. By socking away cash when you’re young, you’ll be better prepared for uncertain medical complications, job loss, and anything life throws at you. But even more, death brings an opportunity to give back. I intend to give what I can to charities and offer the rest to family. If, instead, I spent it all on drinks in my twenties, I’d have nothing for either.

The second line I want to focus in on is, “When you’re too worried about your bank statement, you’re not making your own.” Presumably, Lauren’s suggesting you must spend money to make a name for yourself. Whether it’s the expensive clothing she purchases or fanciful “networking” opportunities at restaurants, she seems to know how to make her own statement.

But making a statement is complex in a society bombarded with advertising. Being unique requires constant reanalysis of culture. To be countercultural and your own person is actually difficult when certain brands aim to sell to that exact demographic. The good news is that statements needn’t cost anything. I can make a statement by saving, and that might be the most powerful of all.

The Internet is vast and diverse. Finding voices that encourage wanton spending is easy. What took me by alarm and spurred a response was two-fold. First, the article was published on a fairly popular news and opinion website. Second, the article had been shared over 35,000 times in two days. Lauren hit on the pulse of a large group of twentysomethings. Her article explicitly supported spendthrift ways. Anyone that needed an excuse to empty their wallets could find solace in her words.

We’re constantly at a precipice between spending and saving. Each day we are confronted with this choice. We can spend our savings away in a flash of 20s, or save for the many moments that life brings. To break away from the herd mentality and save can be challenging, but the choice is ours.

My Bike Ride Disaster: Wet, Dirty, And Full Of Road Spittle

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Bike ride through the city
Photo: Dustin Gaffke/Flickr

My first fall in fall

This summer I purchased my first bike in years. It quickly became an enjoyable habit. My body became stronger and I can now bike about an hour before getting really tired (backpack and all). It’s forced me to think about climate change and my impact on society; thankful too, because I’m individually reducing carbon emissions. But I’m also open to the elements like never before, and that comes with serious risks.

It was drizzling today, and the roads were riddled with puddles and rivers. If I still had a car, I wouldn’t have thought much of it. I would’ve been isolated from the elements. Cars are protective bubbles and creature comforts. My commute into work would’ve been simple and relatively safe. Instead, I took the first fall on my bike.

Every time I hop on my bike I realize all of the variables that are working against me: my brakes might not work, a car may hit me or otherwise cause me to lose control, a tire may pop, etc. Unfortunately, I wasn’t considering the most obvious possibility this morning: pedestrians.

As I made my way to campus, I took note of my increasingly moist bum. I reached back to check, and found a nice patty of road spittle. Yes, this wasn’t one of my favorite bike rides. Nonetheless, I had no other option at this point and needed to get into work on time. My legs peddled onward.

I crossed the river and was nearly there. The light was green and I began to turn right, when a group of pedestrians crossed illegally. My brakes squealed, as I squeezed to prevent hitting one of them. Then, the bike lost traction and I completely slid off and down. My entire right side was covered in dirt and rain and ominous road schmutz.

People called out, “Are you okay?” Despite the immediate feeling of road rash, I hadn’t hit my head or broken anything. Someone picked up my coffee mug, and handed it to me. I fixed my helmet, put my mug away, and biked another 300 feet into work.

My foreign, happy reaction

But despite this inconvenience, anger, and wetness, I’m curiously happy. Even I question that feeling, “How could I be happy after a group of pedestrians caused me to slip and fall? How could I be happy sitting in wet clothing?”

Well, I’ll tell you!

When I first bought my bike, I wondered how long it would be before I was craving a car. But that feeling never came. Aside from stealing a ride with friends here and there, I haven’t driven more than a handful of times since mid-summer. Each month, I’ve been able to save an extra $300 dollars per month by not having a car (loan, gas, insurance, repairs, maintenance, etc.). Selling the car and pocketing the savings led to a reversal in my net worth, too. I’m finally in the black! And from a future standpoint, each time I take a bike or bus, I am contributing to a different carbon economy.

Dealing with winter

The seasons are changing. And now that I no longer have a car, I feel it like never before. My clothes are soaked and my body is ice cold from the spill. Work feels a bit more uncomfortable with the growing bruise engulfing my right side.

The weather will worsen. Winter in the Midwest is a horrific tragedy of gray and cold. Biking consistently through that will not be possible. While there are some buses that run through the area, the timing of interchanges may lead to severe delays and time lost. It will be a major time to question transportation and work-life balance.

No matter what happens, I’ll be sure to update you on my choices and how they affect my budget. For my bikers out there, be safe and ride on! And, read this awesome article about bike safety from Grist.org!

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