I joined Facebook when it was limited to college students. I remember that scary moment when the company allowed others to join (i.e., older adults and high school students). I remember when things you liked could be shared with other friends, and you could see what others were interested in. I remember when status updates were framed in third-person thoughts (“Sam is…”). It was my home away from home, and a bastion for friends and family to connect. And then, one year ago, I deleted it all.
When I joined in 2007, Facebook was a select, elite social network. Everyone I knew wanted an account. Eventually, they all got one. Where once, my friends would’ve texted or emailed to update me, they “Facebooked.” Their messages and updates became broadcasts — written on semi-public “walls.” Others could contribute and participate. Moments were shared — online.
It was a pure experience and I never really noticed advertising. There was an undercurrent of concern about Facebook’s privacy policy and habit of defaulting to public profiles. But I stayed informed and on top of it, always making my profile more private. Facebook was a safe place to share my thoughts and memorable moments.
There was that first party, first relationship, first love, and first adult vacation. All was captured and curated. Others could peruse and get to know me; albeit, in a detached, digital sense. And that feeling grew and grew, as I realized that my ballooning friend network wasn’t about friendship.
In college, I was frequently in the public eye and had built a large professional network. Facebook served as a hub for connecting with those people — a nascent LinkedIn. But I embraced the opportunity to stay in contact with important people. That networking and messaging led me to meet the Governor of Colorado a couple times and enabled me to fundraise thousands of dollars. It was wonderful.
But it was also the home of my first breakup, the next breakup, and then the few after that. Facebook showed my hurt. The site featured a fractured post-breakup silence and photo-less few months. It ebbed and flowed, as did my emotions. Facebook was stirring powerful emotions in me. Oftentimes, these weren’t positive and supportive.
I was surrounded by people I didn’t really recognize, and bombarded with more advertising than ever. Facebook, the personal social network, had become another rehashed home for brooding, breeding, and time-wasting.
Last November, I evaluated whether Facebook was still important. The things I shared were no longer liked by the people I was supposedly closest to, and that hurt. A relationship I was in was about to collapse, and I hardly wanted to share that with this disconnected, jumbled group of “friends.”
Hovering over the delete link, I contemplated life without Facebook. There were photos, videos, and status updates. But more than anything, there were moments I was saying goodbye to — exceptional and horrific.
I clicked delete, and the stream went black. Digitally done, my home away from home was burned. All those years spent networking and adding friends were gone. I felt a pain of uncertainty and unknown. Had I made a mistake?
It’s been about one year since I deleted my Facebook, and I can tell it’s been the best decision I’ve ever made. My communication mediums regressed to text messages, emails, and — gasp! — phone calls. Slowly, friends reached out and mentioned that they noticed I was no longer online. Some kept in touch and others disappeared.
Now, I have time. Instead of incessantly swiping through news feeds and liking incessantly, I read, write, and connect (in-person) more often. I’m more informed about world politics and news. I’m more concerned with helping others and making a difference. I’m not as interested in my next profile picture. I don’t care as much about taking a group photo (for others to see). I’m not as concerned about new clothing and products that’ll make me look affluent and connected.
Embarrassingly, I used to look through my photos, clicking infinitely — circling through them over and over again. Facebook held on to me — aching for me to relive my past and share every moment. There was an emotional high and low to look back on what I’ve done, where I’ve been, and who I was with. But that is largely gone. In its place is a powerful present-focus and interest in what my future holds.
Done with the ads. Done with shared walls. Done with that time-wasting.
One year down, infinite more to go.
I did away with FB for 30 days last year after it filled my life with drama. I’m not an incessant FBer but I did have more time and less stress. I think about deleting it for good, but as I try to make money blogging, folks want to know my social media numbers. I’ve had a hard time building a FB following, but I still worry about letting it go altogether.
Kirsten,
That’s a fair question for professional bloggers. My recommendation is that if you want to have your own professional Facebook fan page, you could delete your real account and then start a fresh one that you never add friends to. That way you could manage the professional page. What do you think?!
Just a thought,
Sam
I deleted my Facebook about two years ago, too. It was such a great decision, for many of the same reasons as yours, Sam. And I lost my Facebook page for the blog, but worked on other social media networks. It’s only been a problem once, and I have worked with a fair amount of people. And even when it was a “problem,” we just found an alternative way to work together. I think it’s more about what the numbers are rather than where they are… at least that’s been my experience.
I had facebook for a few months a few years ago. It was overwhelming and intrusive. I was connecting with family I didn’t want to connect with and friends of friends of friends that I didn’t know but seemed too eager to want to know me. I don’t know what to do now. Now that I’m blogging it seems that everyone has facebook. I only just joined twitter. HELP, I DON’T WANT TO BE A SLAVE TO FACEBOOK! Just remembering it is depressing. Loved this post, Sam. It kind of reminds me of why you ride a bike now. It keeps you more connected to the “real world”, doesn’t it?
Kay,
You’re spot on! That’s exactly it. 🙂
Riding a bike, writing, reading, and staying off Facebook help me stay present and focused on what needs to be accomplished today. Suddenly, the world seems more manageable.
Sam
I read somewhere once that we can start feeling so disconnected from the world because of technology that if you just stop sometimes and feel something, like a tabletop or a wall for instance, that it can get you grounded again. I find that I still do that sometimes. Sounds strange, but it really works. 🙂
I’m with Kay above. The first time it tried it, it was overwhelming and intrusive like a needy toddler on a sugar high. So I gave it up! People still denied that I didn’t FB, friends would express disappointment that I missed their birthday dinner or book launch (um, a FB notice is NOT an invitation, if you want me there you are going to have to actually TELL me about it one on one). And then there are all the contest, events and other interesting tidbits that you have to group or like or follow to participate in…. Oh how I resent being forced into a social media site to participate!
Last month I bit the bullet and rejoined. Maximum privacy settings and an alter-ego for name. The only people I “friend” are people that know what this alter-ego is… In other words next to no one. No long lost highschool flings or people that casually know me from somebody at work or other nonsense. The upside is that I now get the latest updates from the neighbourhood group and my kid’s extra curricular groups. I was out of loop and missing out on schedule changes or warnings, now I get them instantly.
I still resent the heck out of FB, but I have found a way to get something out of it without as much of the intrusive parts.
Very interesting. I have Facebook, and I’ll probably keep it, but I’m not a heavy user. I like the ability to easily share photos and to keep in touch with a few groups I’m part of that are only on Facebook (like my greyhound adoption group). What I don’t like is the “highlight reel” nature of Facebook and the way in which it can make us feel inadequate if we’re not having the time of our lives all the time. But, I take it with a grain of salt and mostly just enjoy the funny greyhound photos :).
I still have a personal FB but I don’t usually comment on posts of others or spend time on people’s pages. I keep it open for my family members to send me direct messages or photos. For my site, I purposely haven’t opened a community FB page and don’t have any intentions to do so.
I haven’t deleted my Facebook, I signed up around the same time as you when it basically just all college students. It was pretty cool to be able to connect to new people around campus. I know a lot of my friends are still constantly on in viewing their news feeds, etc.
I use it very sparingly…basically just to say happy birthday and keep in touch with people I don’t really text with. If it’s someone I really talk with I’m probably texting or talking to them in person already!
Sounds like you’re able to manage better than I was able to. For me, I would get sucked into the vortex of feeds, messages, and updates. And I obsessed over it. Facebook just wasn’t right for me, but I’m glad to see someone that’s able to manage their urge to check! 🙂
I’m on Facebook primarily on FB Chat as my preferred medium to connect. I do about two scrolls on my phone and that’s about it. I also have alerts set up for my family and closest friends so I can see their post on my home screen. I don’t see myself every having the need to delete it but brother and sisters have FB but rarely use it but I do love when they post pics of my nieces and nephews. When I do see those pics I hit the FB chat app and start chatting up my sibs.
I have to admit- I love my facebook. I love seeing the updates, the photos, and the statuses of people I care about. It doesn’t take the place of other communication, but rather provides a supplemental layer. I’ve also been able to use facebook to get jobs, subletters for my apartment, and tons of free publicity.
I occasionally deactivate my facebook for periods of time. Mainly, it is from the drama.
I’ve always thought about deleting my personal FB page but have never gotten around to it. I’ve been going on it less and less which is really great. I don’t think I’ll ever delete it because it’s a great way to message someone who i don’t have a phone number for. But if I find myself going too much, I will pull the plug.
Agree with you on this one Sam! Although I haven’t actually bothered deleting it, I find it very easy to just not load it up (removing the app from your phone is a must though!). I had more of an issue with Twitter and would waste hours on that, but again now hardly ever go on there. Anything that is such a massive time suck on your life and also has the addictive and FOMO inducing qualities just isn’t worth it and we are better off staying clear of them.
As a bloke I never really got the whole “facebook drama” thing but a lot of my female friends seem to talk about it… I think it attracts people who like to stir it up (as it’s so easy to do, and get a captive audience) so again best just to avoid it and not give them the attention they crave.
I’ve kept it open as the occasional event gets organised and so forth, but I normally find out from other people before I’ve even logged on to take a look at it.
Arghh… After all this talk I have a sudden urge to log on now! Damn you 🙂
I pissed away far too many hours on Facebook. While I learned a lot through the plethora of articles shared on the news feed, a lot of it became simply a stage for doling out judgment–judgment, about myself, others, or events, which I had precious limited mental resources to be making. The negativity it ultimately spawned became toxic, so I quit, turned my attention inward, and nurtured myself. While I have kept my profile alive for anyone to contact me if necessary, I have successfully overcome any and all temptation to log on unless absolutely necessary (e.g., to see my baby nephew who lives 900 miles away). Thinking back on it, I realized that scrolling through the news feed was like having 50 people talk to you at once. I can barely stand talking to more than 4 or 5 people in-person at once; how did ever put up with the chatter of 50+ voices daily? I like my quiet life now :).
Life became more spacious when I cut the cable and stopped listening to tv news altogether. It’s quite possible that the next big cable cut and de-cluttering for me ought to be FB. We’ll see.
I deleted it, lost some good photos (Forgotdatadownload!), I decided no excuses to not keep making. I find myself leering to twitter (social media is like capital, my impression is its competition), it curates my news and unlike fb, I dont have so many “friends”, so I feel less obligation and more control. I identify with this article, sometimes I resent digital presence, if everyone believed it was temporal and there weren’t traces of our identity online (allowing lingering memories to cast shadows on our present selves), digital identity could be more liberating than reality. Interesting it doesn’t provide real citizen empowerment.