The world currently exists in an infinite growth paradigm — an impossibility that will lead to the planet’s destruction if not curtailed — where increased production and consumption are desired. A pressure to work, spend, and consumptively “contribute” can come from both internal and external sources. This environment makes frugality challenging.
Individually, I struggle to save money, eat out less, and make healthy financial choices. It’s easy to pull out excuses: I’m tired, stressed, or too busy. This monologue pushes me to spend on items that should make me feel relaxed and content. They don’t. My precarious budget necessitates and encourages an alternative. Moreover, I’m motivated to reduce my environmental impact due to climate change. To consume is human (i.e., food), but to buy endlessly and without reason is disastrous. But I can’t say it’s easy, as I must be continually mindful of my spending. Mistakes happen when I’m not actively working at it. Last weekend I spent about $35 going out for food and drinks, in a moment of total unconscious spending.
Along with this self-promulgated racket, there are also social pressures that encourage spending. Society has certain expectations about wealth and success. Usually, achievement in the eyes of our capitalist system requires a paycheck of about $50,000 or more — with continual raises and bonuses. Income must also be spent conspicuously. In other words, you should find ways to spend on things that provide no material value — they just occupy space (i.e., larger cars, homes, and the crap to fill them).
If you aren’t making these purchases there can be a social reaction or rejection. This is where frugality gets messy. For instance, I tried a dating site that asked whether I owned a car. The question seemed innocuous enough, but upon further inspection I realized it was aimed at attractiveness. See, asking whether I had a car was meant to give information to potential women. They would be asked the same thing, but I could see many women’s profiles needed the man to have a car. It made me feel bad. Not having a car made me less attractive; an obvious societal pressure, which still felt unexpectedly horrible. I clearly wasn’t meeting the expectations of those on the site. I wished I owned a car momentarily.
It’s not just cars. Look at the phone in your pocket. If you’re a millennial, it’s likely a smartphone — mine is! When you see someone pull out a flip phone or a “brick,” you may judge that person’s income level and status — I have. But is that fair, right, or healthy?
The greatest challenge to my frugality has come from those who verbally question my decisions (fortunately, none of my friends 🙂 ). For example, there are people who tell me I’m not frugal enough or could/should be doing better. Essentially, they’re saying, “You’re trying to be frugal, but you haven’t met my expectations. If you really want to be frugal, you’d do this…” The other critique I receive is that my frugality hurts the economy. By reducing my consumption, I’m somehow not doing my part. When I more accurately reflect on these situations, I realize that something about my goals are creating a reactionary defensiveness in some people.
I’ve found that my method of talking about frugality and saving money greatly affects how safe others feel about their own choices. A spendthrift may inherently be insulted and/or self-conscious by my choices. What they don’t realize is that their social pressures (or critiques) can act on a healthy budget to encourage conformity and consumption.
Becoming more frugal isn’t without challenges — both internal and external. The frugal life isn’t always easy, but it certainly feels rewarding when done right.
I get the “you’re too frugal!”/”you’re not frugal enough!” push back too. I think it’s all about being a conscious consumer (which you totally are) and spending on the stuff that matters to you. Yeah, I’d save more if I didn’t buy nice coffee beans, but those beans make my life better and I’m happy to pay for them :).
P.S. When I started dating my husband, he didn’t have a car either. I think you could work that into some excellent pick-up lines… “I like you so much, let’s walk to dinner so I can admire your stride”
Mrs. F,
What a fantastic line. I might just use it. Hahah. That’s great!
My big discovery has been that owning it is my one and only option. Thus far it’s worked. 🙂
Thanks for your comment.
There is way too much pressure to buy things, but there’s also people pressuring us to save more. We’re never going to win that argument, no matter which side we are on. So I just continue to do what I think is best for my situation and according to my goals.
I tend to judge a little too. I mean, I’ll probably make fun of people standing in line to get the iPhone 6 when they have a brand new iPhone 5 in their hands. I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help it. 🙂
Aldo,
That’s too perfect an example! Honestly, I’d like to get the new iPhone, but have no interest in engaging in the consumerist fanfare associated with standing in those horrible lines. Haha.
Thanks for your comment,
Sam
I live my life and if others have issues with it then that is their problem not mine. I usually find that if people really want to say something they should pull out their net worth and compare. I’m pretty sure I’m winning the race. As long as you are spending less than you earn then what is the big deal. Everyone has their own way of living life. We could all spend a little more time worrying about ourselves than everyone else.
Lance,
First off, I agree with you when it comes to worrying about oneself before criticizing another. That’s an important idea that everyone could benefit from — including me. 😉
Although, when it comes to pulling out a net worth, I think that misses the mark. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s an accurate measure of non-consumptive behavior. The cash in your wallet and numbers in your bank account are certainly a success in personal finance, but I think we have to look beyond that when assessing frugality.
Sam
I think the argument you mentioned that being frugal hurts the economy is such garbage. We have been so trained to think that buying more stuff helps the economy form the media. Everytime “consumer spending” decreases there is such a somber tone int he air. The fact is that innovation and thriftiness will help grow our economy, not buying stuff you don’t need.
Syed,
Thanks for your comment, friend. Unfortunately, I think that all growth — however it’s attained — may be a problem at this point. It’s clear that the climate can’t sustain this continual economic “production.” The solution must be creative and different. It likely starts with buying less… of everything.
Sam
Calling someone ‘not frugal enough’ is like calling a charity ‘not helpful enough’.
Haha! Love it, Will. Great point.
There are so many pressures to own “stuff” – why do you need to own a car to see more attractive? If your lifestyle is such that you can manage perfectly well without a car, then that should be acceptable; it shouldn’t mean you are “less attractive”…! That’s mad. I am sometimes a little self-conscious about our decisions, but then remember the bigger picture and not worry 🙂
This going back and forth on you’re not frugal enough vs. you’re too frugal is interesting. The biggest problem in the whole argument is that each of us has a completely different money personality, so it’s an argument no one can win in the end. Of course, there are certain things that everyone can do a little better, but some people just get a little too excited.
You wouldn’t want to be with anyone who didn’t see things the same way you did, so consider it the natural selection theory of frugal dating! 😉 I think I would go ape-$hit if someone told me I was being too frugal right now and if they said I wasn’t being frugal enough I would put that at the back of my mind and carefully consider and only adapt if and when I was ready. I’m actually all ears to learn of other ways we can save money, but not to the point of being ridiculous or giving up some simple but reasonable pleasures. You have to enjoy the life you’re living and I subscribe to the notion that it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money, but there are small exceptions all along the journey. You need to have a firm resolve but also not be militant about saying no to everything.
It could be that the dating site asked if you owned a car because often dating sites offer potential matches from a wide geographical range (multiple cities, for example), and it would be very difficult for a potential significant other (without a car) to date you (if you also do not have a car) if she lived far away. It may just be an issue of practicality. I don’t think women want you to own a car because it makes you more attractive…I think they may want you to own a car because there it would be very difficult for you to come visit her if she lived 20 minutes out of town…
That being said, I think your points are good–of course, there are social pressures to appear in a certain income bracket. I do hold that many women don’t care about income as much as you suggest. I think that many women, for example, find a car not attractive but logistically necessary.
I think that’s fair to question. Yeah, some people are not in the actual city you’re in, so that would necessitate a car. That makes sense.
Although, I do think that there’s a component of having a car that’s associated with income and class. Not having a car in today’s society (depending on location, of course) can often be a quick gauge of another’s wealth. Whether fair or not, I think we can be quick to judge on that level. It’s somewhat natural.
We’ll have to continue this debate later 😉
I’ve never owned a car- cyclists are sexy 🙂
It’s a hard not to compare our way of living with others. And others not to compare themselves to us. I dislike “you’re not x enough…” comments, but admittedly, I’ve been guilty of making them too. Most of us are at least a little insecure and not sure if we’re going down the right path. I try to remind myself of that when I hear judgmental comments.
I try to always be cautious when making judgments. For example, my aunt has a flip phone that doesn’t have internet or text messaging. But I’ll tell you what, she has more money than I have and is much better off.
Doesn’t matter what other people think – I think I’m just the right amount of Frugal!
And since we’re talking about phones – finally made the jump from flip phone to smart phone last year. I knew Apple was about to introduce the new iPhone 5S and the price for the 4S would be dropping. It dropped from around $149 to $49 so I finally upgraded! Two weeks later, the 4S was free. Also learned that at the end of the 2 year contract, upgrading is NOT free. Gotta admit, wasn’t feeling so frugal at the time but the local woman’s shelter got a decent flip phone at least.
It’s always better to find common ground than to compare differences. Better, but certainly not easy! Maybe the people in line for the latest iPhone have decided that it’s important to their fulfillment and within their budget. Maybe the people telling us how they are more frugal are simply trying to share their experiences. Even if they’re not, I just try to concentrate on making the decisions that are right for me and hope others do the same. There is definitely pressure, but I just remind myself that the decision is mine.