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Dating As A Minimalist

By Frugaling 23 Comments

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Dating As A Minimalist Date Night
Photo: Derek Key

Becoming a minimalist, then dating…

I recently joined an online dating site. This isn’t the first time, but it’s definitely one of the longest periods of keeping a profile and messaging people. The results have been surprising, and a couple of conversations may turn into more.

But my mind toils over my values. Something about joining a site and attempting to meet new people pushes me to buy new clothes, furniture, and conform to the idealistic picture of success. I switch to a basic consumer, and it goes against everything I’ve tried to accomplish with this website.

Joining the frugal frontier has led me to sell the extraneous and embrace minimalism (e.g., I’m actively trying to sell my remaining books, as I’ve switched to ebooks). Amidst this lifestyle shift, the cost of dating seems to be measured in more than a meal.

There’s a psychological change — for better and worse — associated with going into “dating mode.” That mode urges me to buy, buy, buy. Like a laser beam surveying my belongings, I scan my apartment for the out-dated and unimpressive.

Out with the old, in with the new?

Dating mode makes me think, “Maybe I should get a nice, full couch?” Yeah, that would really spruce up my apartment. Cost would be no object. I want something that speaks to my unique personality. I don’t want to stoop to some cheap, tattered, beat up couch — that’s not me. Moreover, maybe I should’ve kept my TV — because what would a couch be without one? It’s like I draw from a catalog every time I enter this state.

Dating mode pushes me to upgrade my wardrobe. Most days I think I have the perfect amount of clothes — providing style and warmth, and offering a wealth of options year round. But when I enter this other place, I see the fault in everything. I think, “Look at my pants! I bought these about 5 years ago. Why do I still have them?” In this warped state: “That shirt isn’t crisp enough. It’s gotta go.”

Dating mode suppresses my critical mind. All I can think about is the stink of old versus new. Everything is stale and worn out. As a mere extension of what I own, I feel stale and worn out.

There’s only one solution: own it!

Not only can my budget not withstand wanton purchases, but I left that life — intentionally. It took a significant leap of faith to buck the trend — what we’re told and sold by corporate America. The Ikea catalog and Macy’s mannequin sell a life I’ve always strived for, but it’s artificial and constructed for maximal spend. Unfortunately, I’m conscious that many people subscribe and aspire to this “perfect” home and wardrobe.

Does that minimize my ability to see and date people? Perhaps, but here’s the important part: I’m willing to take the risk that someone doesn’t like me for my aged wardrobe and accoutrements. This is who I am. I am an environmentally conscious minimalist. I’m frugal, clip coupons, and look for the generic brands. I’m interested in saving for a future. I struggle to spend without restrictions, as there’s an entire class of people — globally — that don’t have enough healthy food, water, and basic necessities.

There’s only one solution that fits my new lifestyle: to own who I’ve become. I can’t be ashamed of this life I’ve chosen and the new path I’m taking. I have loved paring down my wardrobe, selling my car, buying a bike, and sharing my story with people. Hopefully, someone will see that passion when the time comes.

Filed Under: Minimalism Tagged With: Clothing, coupons, date, dating, Frugal, Ikea, Minimalism, minimalist, online dating, Wardrobe

4 Ways Coupons Manipulate Spending Habits — Watch Out!

By Frugaling 13 Comments

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Every Wednesday and Sunday — if you subscribe to a paper — you generally receive a healthy dose of coupons. Everything from soups to toilet paper to deli meats are frequently included in the pile. With open arms, many clippers sift through the mass to find a couple deals.

Some people collect them, place them in binders, and combine coupons with store deals. Websites and shows like The Krazy Coupon Lady and TLC’s Extreme Couponing examine, research, and find incredible coupon-based deals. Everyone seems to love coupons!

You should be concerned.

Coupons are developed by vast marketing and advertising teams for corporations. The advertising industry as a whole is estimated to be in the hundreds of billions, and a significant portion is outlined for couponing. But subtly, clipping those weekly coupons affects the psychological decision making in the supermarket. Here are 4 ways that coupons manipulate your spending habits.

Watch Out! Coupons Manipulate Spending Money Cash1. Clip, cause cognitive dissonance

Every time you clip a coupon, your mind buys a product. Even though you haven’t gone out and purchased the item, to clip a coupon, it’s a commitment of time and action. This has a direct effect on your wallet.

A powerful psychological effect that can occur when you clip a coupon: cognitive dissonance. If, for instance, you decide to clip a coupon and then later question whether you really need the product, this may lead to dissonance. Essentially, this is a distress associated with spending the effort to clip a coupon that you now might not use. For many people, they’ll use a coupon just because they clipped it — regardless if it’s the cheapest option once they get to the store.

2. Exposure predicts spending

Exposure is the key to purchasing a product. What a simple conclusion, right? Well, stores know that the more face time you have with a product, the more likely you are to buy it. If the exposure begins prior to entering the store, you’re effectively being primed for the future purchase.

With coupons, your eyeball sees the product at home. If you clip it out, you are further intensifying the duration of the exposure. More time in front of you equals more money for the grocer and advertiser. How easy!

3. Is that really any cheaper?

One of the most important reasons that people clip coupons is to save money. Ironically, this may not actually lower your shopping bill. Coupons are not usually offered for generic, store-brand merchandise or fresh produce. Instead, they’re frequently marketing name brand items that already have a built-in premium. This added cost often voids any discount associated with using a coupon.

It’s very important to pay careful attention to the coupon you’ve clipped out. At a store, you need to look for generic items, and then compare them to the name brand item for the coupon. All of this takes a level of vigilance and time that many don’t have or care to have at the grocery store. For both time and money, just buying generic items is normally the best bet.

4. Coupons are getting smarter

Smartphones, apps, and online coupon sites are increasingly digging into your spending habits. Your rewards credit card, frequent shopper card, and web browsing history may be leeching your data to third-party companies. These organizations then will compile and predict what you want. They’re so accurate that Target can tell when you’re pregnant, about to have a child, and/or the ages of your children (read Brandwashed for more on this tactic).

By using these predictive tactics, companies can practically read your mind. If they know all your purchases and habits, coupons can be created that make you look at new, similar products. These choices may cost more over time, but offer a great deal at first. If you like the newer product more, the system has worked and you’re hooked. Now, the money is theirs to reap.

It’s not that coupons are always bad or more expensive than generic brands, but they can sometimes change your spending habits for the worse. Moreover, think about all the time that’s necessary to clip those coupons and find the special savings — this adds up. If you spend your time making more money and buying generic, this could actually be smarter in the long run!

Filed Under: Save Money Tagged With: Budget, Card, Consumer, Consumerism, coupons, Food, Freebies, Frugal, generic, Save Money, spending, supermarket

Dominate The Supermarket And Save Big

By Frugaling 3 Comments

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While it takes significant forethought, preparation is always cheaper to reactionary purchases and fixes. This is your plan to dominate the supermarket and pad your wallet:

When I go shopping, I have a strategy. Coupons, cards, and a shopping list are always present. Surprise visits and purchases to the grocery store happened twice or more a week before I started frugaling. Now, I’m aiming to make visits no more than once a week.

Over the past few months, my food costs have hovered around $400 per month. This was largely attributable to eating out expensively and frequently. Things are changing, and my wallet’s smiling because of it.

Stores attract you into staying longer and buying more. Their carefully crafted advertisements and shelves encourage lackadaisical shopping. Our busy lives beget rush purchases and frozen meals. The combination induces greater spending and wider waistlines.

There’s a solution to this. While it takes significant forethought, preparation is always cheaper to reactionary purchases and fixes. This is your plan to dominate the supermarket and pad your wallet:

Never Care About Brands

The shelves are a carefully crafted maze of prices and products. The key is to look low and to the side. Generally, you’ll find the more affordable and store brands there.

Interestingly, more and more store brands are being placed in-line with comparable products. This makes your decision and comparison much easier. Looking for Mini Wheats in the cereal aisle? At Target, you can expect to see their store brand (which tastes great!) right next to it.

This isn’t just about buying generic over brand name. This is about wholesale non-affiliation and de-identification. By losing brand recognition and identity, you’ll consistently make the financially frugal and sound purchase. Brand loyalty rewards the company and empties your wallet.

I’m ruthless when I enter a beauty/deodorant aisle. I’m not picky about smells, nor do I care what brand I wipe under my arms. Who should? I usually can find a stick for about $1 in a clearance section. By disavowing the brand recognition and desire, I save each and every day.

Savings: About $1 per item.

Bring A List, Check It Twice

I made this mistake one too many times. Here I was aimlessly wandering around the shelves, thinking about what I needed to get. The stores prey off this lack of (psychological) preparation. The concept of needs and wants morph into one and the same. Suddenly, you realize how much you’re missing.

The answer is simple, but requires solid preparation: make a list. Open your cupboards, refrigerator, underneath the sink, pantry; wherever you keep your food and household goods, peer in. Evaluate what you’re missing and what’s running low. You don’t want to run to the store and realize the next day that you’re running low on orange juice.

With a detailed list in hand, check it again. Feeling prepared and sure about everything you need will make you a confident shopper. Confidence is key for saving money and knowing what you need. There should be no excuses for extras or surprise purchases. Stick to the list like your budget depends on it; after all, it does.

Savings: About $10-15 per trip.

Plan Your Meals, Leftovers

“I’m tired and there’s nothing to eat.” After a long day of work and graduate school, this is a notorious budget killer. The solution sounds simple, but is very difficult in practice: plan your meals.

By strategizing what your week looks like for food, you prevent two spending slipups: One, you’re less likely to eat out. Two, it’s easier to follow your shopping list. Furthermore, this can be the single biggest cost-reduction tool possible.

One week. Seven days. At least three meals per day. That’s simple math: 21 meals. Honestly, I eat some pretty simple, regular, inexpensive breakfasts that I’d highly recommend. That takes out 7 meals right there. 14 meals need to be basically structured. It doesn’t mean that Tuesday I must eat salmon; rather, organizing your shopping list to be prepared to make any of these choices.

A great site for finding frugal, budget-conscious meals is Budget Bytes. The author, Beth, creates fabulous little recipes for simple cooks. Wherever you look for recipes, try to place them on certain days and consider expiration dates for foods.

Savings: Up to about $100-200 per month.

Pick Your Place, Time Wisely

The place you choose to shop at matters. Saving a few pennies, dimes, and quarters at one supermarket over another begins to add up. Like saving 3 cents per gallon on filling up your car, finding the most affordable store is important.

Loyalty programs are at nearly every store, as they aim to track spending and predict buying patterns from its customers. By giving away this data to companies, they can offer discounts to regular customers. When you find a place with consistently affordable products, stick with it.

Along with price points, evaluate the customer service staff. Are they attentive, present, and happy to help? Often, big-box retailers suffer in this domain, as there’s simply too much room to provide help to all the customers present. Local grocery stores tend to provide more hands-on help and know-how.

Lastly, wherever you shop, plan to show up early or late – never in between. One of the most popular times to shop is after traditional work hours: 5 or 6 PM. Secondarily, stores get slammed on Saturdays and Sundays. Make an effort to avoid these busy times, as the increased wait can cause frustration, poor service, and increased spending. By 8 or 9 PM most crowds have fizzled out.

Savings: Up to $0.25-.50 per item.

Filed Under: Make Money Tagged With: coupons, groceries, Save, supermarket

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