Frugaling

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Dating As A Minimalist

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Dating As A Minimalist Date Night
Photo: Derek Key

Becoming a minimalist, then dating…

I recently joined an online dating site. This isn’t the first time, but it’s definitely one of the longest periods of keeping a profile and messaging people. The results have been surprising, and a couple of conversations may turn into more.

But my mind toils over my values. Something about joining a site and attempting to meet new people pushes me to buy new clothes, furniture, and conform to the idealistic picture of success. I switch to a basic consumer, and it goes against everything I’ve tried to accomplish with this website.

Joining the frugal frontier has led me to sell the extraneous and embrace minimalism (e.g., I’m actively trying to sell my remaining books, as I’ve switched to ebooks). Amidst this lifestyle shift, the cost of dating seems to be measured in more than a meal.

There’s a psychological change — for better and worse — associated with going into “dating mode.” That mode urges me to buy, buy, buy. Like a laser beam surveying my belongings, I scan my apartment for the out-dated and unimpressive.

Out with the old, in with the new?

Dating mode makes me think, “Maybe I should get a nice, full couch?” Yeah, that would really spruce up my apartment. Cost would be no object. I want something that speaks to my unique personality. I don’t want to stoop to some cheap, tattered, beat up couch — that’s not me. Moreover, maybe I should’ve kept my TV — because what would a couch be without one? It’s like I draw from a catalog every time I enter this state.

Dating mode pushes me to upgrade my wardrobe. Most days I think I have the perfect amount of clothes — providing style and warmth, and offering a wealth of options year round. But when I enter this other place, I see the fault in everything. I think, “Look at my pants! I bought these about 5 years ago. Why do I still have them?” In this warped state: “That shirt isn’t crisp enough. It’s gotta go.”

Dating mode suppresses my critical mind. All I can think about is the stink of old versus new. Everything is stale and worn out. As a mere extension of what I own, I feel stale and worn out.

There’s only one solution: own it!

Not only can my budget not withstand wanton purchases, but I left that life — intentionally. It took a significant leap of faith to buck the trend — what we’re told and sold by corporate America. The Ikea catalog and Macy’s mannequin sell a life I’ve always strived for, but it’s artificial and constructed for maximal spend. Unfortunately, I’m conscious that many people subscribe and aspire to this “perfect” home and wardrobe.

Does that minimize my ability to see and date people? Perhaps, but here’s the important part: I’m willing to take the risk that someone doesn’t like me for my aged wardrobe and accoutrements. This is who I am. I am an environmentally conscious minimalist. I’m frugal, clip coupons, and look for the generic brands. I’m interested in saving for a future. I struggle to spend without restrictions, as there’s an entire class of people — globally — that don’t have enough healthy food, water, and basic necessities.

There’s only one solution that fits my new lifestyle: to own who I’ve become. I can’t be ashamed of this life I’ve chosen and the new path I’m taking. I have loved paring down my wardrobe, selling my car, buying a bike, and sharing my story with people. Hopefully, someone will see that passion when the time comes.

Picture All Your Worldly Possessions

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All of Gandhi's worldly possessions

I saw this picture for the first time the other day. It shocked me. These were all the possessions that this man had. Rather than feeling demoralized, he was calm and honorable in his actions. The items before you represented everything important to him: sandals to walk around, a watch to tell time, a foundational text for focus and intellect, and glasses for the simple necessity of sight. Stripped of everything extraneous, this man could be freed to become one of the greatest heros of all time. Before I talk about the owner of these possessions, let’s talk about our possessions.

What does your picture look like?

I don’t know whether to be saddened, inspired, apathetic, neutral, and/or happy, but I can now fit everything I own into a single room. Walking through my apartment, I almost expect to see a tumbleweed race across the linoleum floor. It’s barren. I don’t necessarily feel exceptionally positive, as there’s a societal expectation for stuff that I cling to.

Magazines like Dwell and websites such as Apartment Therapy emphasize how home designs affect emotionality. The model home is well-kempt, orderly, and colorful — energizing its inhabitants and providing a sense of calm. But despite these stereotypes and assumptions about design, by paring down my accoutrements, I feel calmer. With the extraneous emptied, I can focus and save for what’s important.

Even though I can fit everything into a room, it’s far greater than the preceding picture. Could I reduce my possessions even further? Perhaps.

What if your house flooded tomorrow?

This past weekend I traveled with a friend to Minnesota. It was my first time in the Twin Cities. I loved every minute. Before I left, I packed and scanned over my apartment.

Every time I travel, I look over the bag and apartment for missing items. I ask, “What am I forgetting?” Only one thing came to mind: I heard that my area of town may be flooded when I return. I moved two cheap electronics above the floor and left.

Leaving rapidly and with such efficiency made me think:

  1. That was faster than ever
  2. I feel really free
  3. I want to do that again and again and again

In the past, I worried about the condition of my possessions. Would they be safe? How long could I be away from home? This time, I didn’t hesitate — these things wouldn’t hold me back from hopping in my friend’s car and celebrating the holiday. If my house flooded — thankfully, it didn’t — I would’ve probably suffered some losses. But in the end I would be okay.

How do you make your picture look like that?

Many people own TVs, cars, and houses. The picture frame doesn’t seem to fit our countless commodities and material goods. We’ve amassed stuff to fill our homes and heads. We can’t even collect and commingle it all for a friendly picture. This leaves us open to feeling loss and ache.

The photo above is a collection of all Gandhi’s worldly possessions. Gandhi fueled a movement for Indian independence from British rule. His message was of peaceful civil disobedience. Today, he’s an inspiration for civil movements around the world. He only had about 14 or 15 items.

How many things do you need to live the life you want? How many products do you need to be happy and live with purpose? Oftentimes, buying more products limits our ability to live meaningfully.

When we crave for more than the picture frame can hold, money must be made. Suddenly, we are working harder, longer hours to consume more. It can come at the cost of our free time and life we want to lead.

Everything Must Go

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Minimalism Horizon Save Money

Over the last two weeks, I’ve sold much of what filled my house. I’m past the point of being frugal, and well into the world of minimalism and austerity. I mean, it’s empty in here, readers.

All of my physical books are for sale. I have a TV stand, but I sold my TV and Apple device. It’s the beginning of summer, but I already sold my air conditioner. Oh, I just sold my car, too.

With each sale, I feel this push and pull inside me; the wonderful feeling of letting go, which brings both loss and freedom. I’m free to spend the money inappropriately, but I won’t. I’m free to buy more stuff before I move, but I won’t. I’m free to feel loss, and I might.

Like a reflection of the bare rooms in my apartment, emptiness might affect me. It feels… lonely to be bare — like what I own hugs and tucks me in at night (I wish!). Everyone from my parents to random visitors have remarked at the empty nature of my home in the past. I’m curious what they’d think now.

Part of me wonders why I crave to fill every nook and cranny with goods. Why is it more natural for me to fill a house than empty it? Why do I feel embarrassed to welcome people into my home without stuff occupying the space?

I’m living with an everything-must-go mentality right now. A fire sale of sorts. And every purchase that goes against my new, frugal self seems to be in violation of my debt reduction plan. I don’t want that to happen.

I can’t predict how I’ll feel over the coming months; for now, I’m taking action to change my life. All that remains is me — that’s the one consistency. What fills my room is me — for better and for worse.

4 Ways Coupons Manipulate Spending Habits — Watch Out!

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Every Wednesday and Sunday — if you subscribe to a paper — you generally receive a healthy dose of coupons. Everything from soups to toilet paper to deli meats are frequently included in the pile. With open arms, many clippers sift through the mass to find a couple deals.

Some people collect them, place them in binders, and combine coupons with store deals. Websites and shows like The Krazy Coupon Lady and TLC’s Extreme Couponing examine, research, and find incredible coupon-based deals. Everyone seems to love coupons!

You should be concerned.

Coupons are developed by vast marketing and advertising teams for corporations. The advertising industry as a whole is estimated to be in the hundreds of billions, and a significant portion is outlined for couponing. But subtly, clipping those weekly coupons affects the psychological decision making in the supermarket. Here are 4 ways that coupons manipulate your spending habits.

Watch Out! Coupons Manipulate Spending Money Cash1. Clip, cause cognitive dissonance

Every time you clip a coupon, your mind buys a product. Even though you haven’t gone out and purchased the item, to clip a coupon, it’s a commitment of time and action. This has a direct effect on your wallet.

A powerful psychological effect that can occur when you clip a coupon: cognitive dissonance. If, for instance, you decide to clip a coupon and then later question whether you really need the product, this may lead to dissonance. Essentially, this is a distress associated with spending the effort to clip a coupon that you now might not use. For many people, they’ll use a coupon just because they clipped it — regardless if it’s the cheapest option once they get to the store.

2. Exposure predicts spending

Exposure is the key to purchasing a product. What a simple conclusion, right? Well, stores know that the more face time you have with a product, the more likely you are to buy it. If the exposure begins prior to entering the store, you’re effectively being primed for the future purchase.

With coupons, your eyeball sees the product at home. If you clip it out, you are further intensifying the duration of the exposure. More time in front of you equals more money for the grocer and advertiser. How easy!

3. Is that really any cheaper?

One of the most important reasons that people clip coupons is to save money. Ironically, this may not actually lower your shopping bill. Coupons are not usually offered for generic, store-brand merchandise or fresh produce. Instead, they’re frequently marketing name brand items that already have a built-in premium. This added cost often voids any discount associated with using a coupon.

It’s very important to pay careful attention to the coupon you’ve clipped out. At a store, you need to look for generic items, and then compare them to the name brand item for the coupon. All of this takes a level of vigilance and time that many don’t have or care to have at the grocery store. For both time and money, just buying generic items is normally the best bet.

4. Coupons are getting smarter

Smartphones, apps, and online coupon sites are increasingly digging into your spending habits. Your rewards credit card, frequent shopper card, and web browsing history may be leeching your data to third-party companies. These organizations then will compile and predict what you want. They’re so accurate that Target can tell when you’re pregnant, about to have a child, and/or the ages of your children (read Brandwashed for more on this tactic).

By using these predictive tactics, companies can practically read your mind. If they know all your purchases and habits, coupons can be created that make you look at new, similar products. These choices may cost more over time, but offer a great deal at first. If you like the newer product more, the system has worked and you’re hooked. Now, the money is theirs to reap.

It’s not that coupons are always bad or more expensive than generic brands, but they can sometimes change your spending habits for the worse. Moreover, think about all the time that’s necessary to clip those coupons and find the special savings — this adds up. If you spend your time making more money and buying generic, this could actually be smarter in the long run!

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