Frugaling

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Be Here For The Process, Not The Outcome

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Photo: Michael Reilly/Flickr

“This very moment is the perfect teacher, and it’s always with us.”
— Pema Chodron

Anything to feel better

In college, I was a first responder to an event that changed my life. It scarred me. In response, I sought treatment at the counseling center.

When I first walked into the door, I was desperate to “recover.” I didn’t want to feel pain. I didn’t want to feel sadness. I didn’t want to visualize tragedy anymore.

Frankly, I wanted to take a pill and make it all go away. I couldn’t help but feel far from being healthy again. Counseling seemed like a questionable endeavor, where the outcome was unclear. Still, I went.

Hammering home a message

My counselor continued to impart a message on me. Week by week, month by month, he worked to change my narrative. When I would jump to the outcome — the end goal — he would point it out. When I pointed out what I was desperate for in the future, he would bring me back to the present.

Slowly, after countless sessions, something happened.

I could suddenly digest my months.

Then, my weeks.

Then, my days.

Then, my hours.

Then, something clicked.

Becoming present for this moment

I became present for a moment — one solitary second of presence and oneness with the world. And there with my counselor, I realized what he was saying all along: be here for the process, not the outcome.

As much as I wanted all my problems to recede, fighting towards goals that might take years to realize was too challenging. But through daily intention, I could see a path in front of me — even if the end was not in sight.

Slowly (and I mean slowly), my anxiety, flashbacks, and significant mental concerns began to fade. They were background noise to my present-focused moments.

Money on my mind

After two years of graduate school and overspending, I launched myself into the world student loans, car loans, and credit card debt. There was nary a day that passed without a swipe of the card — a probing of my wallets nether regions to scrounge for my last pennies.

It was easy to amass nearly $40,000 debt. Unfortunately, seeing my way out of that hole was remarkably vague, unclear, and disconcerting.

I reverted back. I focused on what I wanted in the end — the outcome. I was pulled back at where I wanted to be, rather than what I could do today. I wanted to be out of debt again; to see my bank account with green coloring, rather than red.

Refocusing on now

Then, I thought about my counseling experience. I had struggled with sadness and recovery, finding it too difficult to digest the process. But it was the process that provided a path for success, health, and today… wealth.

Facing the debt was the first part of my financial recovery. I needed to sit with it, be uncomfortable by it, recognize my discomfort, and then take a bite — with intention.

Now, I’m taking my financial success one day at a time — just like my mental health. And frankly, I’ve never been wealthier or healthier.

Stay True To Your Budget And Self

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Choose your path to budgetary success

Last month I wrote about my “low-income lifestyle” that’s a consequence of my tight graduate student income. I only make about $14-15k per year after taxes and education expenses. Then, I have to account for rent, food, entertainment, and transportation costs.

There’s not a lot of wiggle room. As a student, employee, and writer, I can’t commit any more time to work endeavors. At the end of nearly every week I’m beat up from an 80-hour workweek. I know and admire those who can work this many hours, and still do more. But I never saw that life for myself.

Staying true to a budget and future goals can be challenging. Here are 5 methods I use to stick to my budget.

1. Tell friends and family

“Power allows us a superficial sense of control, whereas true, vulnerable being allows us a sense of authenticity.” —TinyBuddha.com

It can be embarrassing and challenging to let people in on your financial distress, concerns, and budgetary constraints. That embarrassment personally led me to avoid saying “no” or high-spend scenarios (i.e., going to ball games, bars, and expensive restaurants). Rather than admit to myself and others that I had a budgetary problem, I hid behind debt.

One of the most powerful changes you can make today is to tell anyone in your life about debt and/or financial goals. Some friends will be able to provide support, choose more affordable activities, and check-in with you. That connection is fundamentally important, because bucking societal trends to spend more and more can be challenging. Having people on your side is essential.

2. Find accountability buddies

“Men [and women] exist for the sake of one another.” —Marcus Aurelius

While friends can be emotionally supportive to financial goals and concerns, they might not be equipped to be an accountability “buddy.” These partners do more than checking in — they push you to save more.

Find a person, network, or community — online or in person — that can help you stick to your budget. Choose someone you trust, as financial distress is often personally intertwined with psychological wellness.

Spending a lot of money? Likely, there are some external stressors in your life. An accountability buddy needs to be a supportive/challenging listener.

3. Regularly check your budget

”The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” —Henry David Thoreau

Seeing massive bills and debt is frightening. It’s difficult to see a way out of these holes.

One maladaptive pattern I engaged in was avoidance. If I didn’t look at my budget, recent transactions, or credit bill, I wasn’t as stressed out (short term). But then again, I wasn’t trying to reduce the spending, either.

Denial can be the answer, but it’s dangerous; often, delaying budgetary fixes. The nervousness and anxiety must be faced.

I’d recommend making a habit of checking your transactions and bills once per day. There are various methods, but I’d recommend an online option. For instance, with Personal Capital, you can sync nearly every type of bank account, investment account, credit card, and loan. This helps you get a broad-based perspective of your net worth and budget efforts. And it’s all free!

4. Write and/or start a diary

“A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.” —Dalai Lama

Words are powerful — forget people who say “words can never hurt me.” Words make people feel deeply — cry, laugh, and everything in between. Words can help you catalogue, share, and reflect on your budget efforts.

I started Frugaling to do just that: reflect on my efforts, write about personal finance issues, and help others along the way. Others have seen my triumphs and failures — ups and downs. Along the way, I’ve been able to look back through my archives to see how my thinking changed.

Private diaries are another great option! As long as you’re brutally honest with yourself, you’ll be helping to save and stick to whatever budget you set for yourself.

5. Remain present focused, mindful

“Eternal life belongs to those who live in the present.” —Wittgenstein

This step can be the most challenging of all. Most people want to drift into past or future-oriented thinking.

We tend to perseverate on past failures, mistakes, and embarrassments. Alternatively, we tend to think about future potential, hopes, and dreams of a better life than we have right now. Both forms of thinking suck us away from the present moment.

We cannot change the past, and what we do in the present determines much of the future. It’s in the present moment where we can enact change, stick to our budget, and prevent another purchase.

Sticking to a budget takes patience and perseverance: one day at a time. We can beat ourselves up for our mistakes, which make us tragically want to consume more. Or, we can take hold of the moments we have left to live a different life. There’s so much potential in the latter option.

Frugal Articles of the Week

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Every week I like to feature a few frugal articles that caught my eyes. Curl up in your favorite reading nook and enjoy. Hopefully these encourage you to live frugal lives!

The Stuff Paradox: Dealing with the clutter in the US by Jane O’Brien
Amidst massive income and wealth inequality, a growing movement of minimalists is rising. Their work bridges and breaks the traditional bounds of income levels. Now, anyone who’s willing to declutter and rid themselves of the unnecessary can join! This article catalogs a couple Americans who are working to do just that.

The Girl Who Saw Through the Illusions by Leo Babauta
Leo is one of the most popular bloggers on minimalism and simple living. His focus spans from meditation to family life. In this new style, Leo writes from a seemingly fictional stance to talk about how illusions influence how we see the world.

What Motivates You To Save? by Kate Dore
Frugality is usually something that just happens. People tend to choose a more frugal lifestyle because of small incomes, to cut down on carbon emissions, and/or to have a less cluttered home. But to start saving, people need to ask an important motivational, intention question. Kate perfectly conveys it!

In Pursuit of More Lasting Success by Joshua Becker
This article hit me. Joshua points out two extremes in today’s economy: 1) the focus on financial success, 2) the importance of working less. Both extremes can be detrimental. Joshua proposes an alternative, where working to help others becomes a major focus. Brilliant idea!

Why We Don’t Meal Plan by Mrs. Frugalwoods
Over the last couple weeks, I published how I’m reducing expenses and trying to get my food budget down to $200 per month. I’m having a bear of a time! Mrs. Frugalwoods makes it look easy, and they don’t even meal plan to save. What could be easier?! Her biggest recommendation seems to center on the role of buying bulk and unpackaged foods for a frugal budget.

“We Are Rich Because They Are Poor.”

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Norway could be heaven on Earth

Norwegians have an average life expectancy of 81 years, income of $58,810, and one of the best education systems in the world. With a highly social tax system, Norwegians benefit from incredible health care, free college opportunities, and more paid time off when compared to most of the world.

Other than brutal winters, Norway is a near-utopian country with a smaller divide between wealthy and impoverished. There’s incredible privilege in this economy.

A Norwegian newspaper, Aftenposten, decided to select three prominent fashion bloggers — Frida, Ludvig, and Anniken — to journey to Cambodia. These bloggers obsess and pour over the latest fashion trends. They write and photograph their latest finds for the world to see. Additionally, they make money from their features through advertisements and endorsement deals.

Welcome to Cambodia!

Aftenposten wanted to expose these bloggers to the garment workers on the other end of the manufacturing industry for their favorite clothes. As many of the worst worker conditions and best trade relations are in South Asian countries, they selected Cambodia.

With personal cameras, beaming smiles, and naive curiosity, these three traveled to Cambodia to “discover” what garment workers’ jobs are like — for a month. Almost instantly after they landed in the foreign land, they remarked about how they expected more “shops,” cleaner markets, and cheaper food prices.

They immediately experienced culture shock — from privilege to poverty in one flight.

Wages that keep people in poverty

Over the course of the next five episodes, the three explore their neighborhood and interview garment workers. The first, Sokty, tells about making around $3-4 per day. She usually works 7 days a week, and often works from 7 AM to 8 PM.

Sokty sleeps on her floor, covered in some blankets. Her shower is a bucket, where she pours water over herself. She has a clothes line that is about 5 feet long and has a few shirts.  She can’t afford to buy the clothes she sews.

There’s a TV, and some photos are pasted to her walls. To many Americans, this austerity and poverty is likely uncomfortable. Societally, we tend to rationalize away these discomforts, rather than face them.

Empathy through exposure

Anniken initially appears uncomfortable, but explains away this feeling by saying they don’t know any better/different. Further, she points out that these Cambodian garment workers are probably used to it, and that’s why they’re okay with this disparity.

Without even a sliver of remorse, sadness, or regret, her explanation weighs heavy for the remaining episodes. They’re a harbinger for a painful self-discovery of ignorance.

See, as the month-long journey flies by, the group becomes increasingly aware of their false assumptions and prejudices about garment workers in far away places. They realize that these people deserve better. And that they — as fashion bloggers — have a role in changing it.

Sometimes it’s as simple as exposure. By accepting the request to appear in a reality series, these three Norwegians grew immensely. One aspect that seemed to change their understanding was trying to buy a dinner on three garment paychecks for the day ($9 total). They cooked the most basic food, which was heavily watered down to feel like more.

“We are rich because they are poor.”

By the conclusion, their voices were unified in disgust and shame for their buying habits. They suddenly realized the consequences of their shopping habits. The Norwegians wrapped up filming with a new resolution: go back home and share their story with others. Ultimately, they wanted to pressure major clothing retailers to choose more worker-friendly locations, paychecks, and rights.

Repeatedly, Ludvig noted how their lives were great in Norway, because theirs (Cambodian garment workers’) “suck.” His words spoke to the fundamental horror of capitalism: where one succeeds, another falls.

We’ve set up a system of trading and exchange, where some people’s money goes further than others. There’s a reason most of our clothing is manufactured elsewhere, and it’s not because they have vastly more productive workers — they just have fewer restrictions and depressed incomes.

That’s not a solution for a fair, just society.

Here are three ways we can correct these inequalities:

1. Support retailers that pay laborers living wages
2. Petition/write companies and Congress to support living wages
3. Prefer local clothing companies, where possible

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