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Love is a click away, but is it worth paying for online dating?

By Frugaling 4 Comments

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Online dating: From stigma to commonplace

We sat in the high school parking lot, and I laughed every now and then — awkwardly I may add. David Gray blasted over the car speakers, and I squirmed with tension and anxiety. My hands felt sweaty, and I remember rubbing them on my pants to dry them off. After an impossibly long period of time — my mind spinning with questions — I leaned over and had my first kiss.

Dating was different back then. When I graduated high school in 2007, love and like were simple, in-person concepts. That was one month prior to Apple’s famous iPhone release. After that, the Internet was accessible everywhere. Everything completed IRL (“In Real Life”) could be duplicated online — a mirror.

Online dating started to boom in popularity and I heard news/rumors about this growing trend. Honestly, it seemed like it was only for old farts and socially awkward people. Dating seemed effortless in college. In a way, I thought you had to fail at “real life” to turn to online dating.

I had a huge bias: Why would anybody turn to online dating?

This is more popular than I thought

11% of American adults…have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps (Pew Internet Research)

By the time I graduated college, online dating was much less stigmatized. In fact, a shocking number of people have tried it. Based on U.S. Census numbers, that equates to about 33 million people in America who’ve tried online dating. TechCrunch reported that, “38% of people who are ‘single and looking’ have used a dating site or app.”

After I graduated college and was suddenly single, I decided to start my first profile. I was embarrassed to tell anyone. Uploading my pictures and customizing that profile made it real. I tried to represent myself as best as I could, but always felt askew — was this really me? Off and on throughout the years I joined dating sites and actually had some entertaining meetups. Slowly, my stigma began to disappear. Despite all this acceptance, I’ve never paid for online dating.

Should/would you pay for online dating?

Free dating sites have exploded in popularity among Millennials, and the options are plentiful. From swipe-to-date apps like Tinder to the question-and-match power of OkCupid, these sites are exceptionally popular with younger generations. OkCupid offers one of the largest populations of potential matches — all free. People can try out the site, message freely, and quit whenever they want. The intention and commitment is minimal, and the potential is great.

Stalwart dating sites such as Match and eHarmony charge monthly fees for access/communication with other prospective daters. Match.com offers an easy, free signup where you can look at matches, but you can’t send messages or get a phone number until you pay the fee. It costs about $35.99 per month to use this service. eHarmony provides a similar dating and match service for potential compatibility. The site offers a detailed personality inventory to gauge your needs in a potential match. To access these features, you’re looking at $59.95 per month. At these prices, it’s hard not to feel like they’re gauging your wallet to gauge your compatibility.

To pay $36 or $60 a month for an opportunity to meet someone is a scary amount of money — especially if you stay online for multiple months. But sometimes it’s worth the price. Paying for online dating sites is a proof of your intention and seriousness to other people. That monthly fee suggests you’re likely desiring a committed relationship. Likewise, that purpose attracts a community of people that can be hard to come by on free dating sites.

Unfortunately, the for-pay websites often use shady tactics to attract visitors and hook people with longer-term contracts. For instance, Match.com doesn’t show you who can receive messages. And eHarmony forces you to take a survey that takes about 30-40 minutes, suggests you’ll see your “matches,” but then limits how much of the profiles can be seen without a price. These tricky business practices scare me, and they should scare your budget. Here are some eHarmony reviews if you wanted to get some more information about the dating app.

When it comes to paying for online dating, I can’t imagine spending the money. Maybe I’ll eat my words someday, but I don’t want to spend money on something that’s available for free elsewhere — regardless of the overall intention among members. I’m excited that people are interested and open to meeting through new mediums, but I question the expense.

Would you ever pay for online dating? Have you noticed any difference between free or subscription-based sites?

Filed Under: Save Money Tagged With: apps, Budget, date, dating, eharmony, Free, love, match, Millennials, money, okcupid, online dating, relationships, smartphone, tinder

Would You Honestly Answer This Debt Question?

By Frugaling 11 Comments

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Fork in the road flickr creative commons debt question
Photo: flickr/sacks08

The first-year anniversary of Frugaling.org is right around the corner. It’s been over 11 months since I started this journey and a tremendous amount has changed. Today, I’m taking time to reflect on what started it all.

How much debt do you have?

When I was asked this debt question, it seemed invasive and prosecutorial. The consequences were unfathomable and unknown. I remember feeling awkward, heavy, and embarrassed. I knew the number right off the top of my head, but saying it aloud made the situation more real. The answer to that question was personal and private. I was almost ready to react in defense of my debt!

I briefly thought, “I’m a student, I need this debt! It’s necessary! Look at other people! Hell, it’s an investment in my future career!” Can’t you read and feel the dripping indignation?

The question appeared to be an oxymoron, too. Frankly, I had less than nothing. How could I have less than nothing?! Nearly $40,000 in debt between credit cards, student loans, and a car loan, I didn’t own anything. Instead, banks owned me and all my stuff. With student loans, you either pay them back, enter a special governmental program for forgiveness, or you die. There’s no option to reduce your interest for good grades or make it magically disappear — not even bankruptcy can save you.

Despite the internal pressures to keep quiet or lash out against the person asking this loaded question, I decided to follow down a different path. I responded hesitantly — not knowing the response I’d receive — but also with combination of authenticity, genuineness, honesty, and openness.

Sharing the big, scary number

I plopped out this turd of a number: “I have about $38,000 in debt right now.”

The heft of that number and all the social pressures surrounding it seemed to be lifted. The veil of privacy and secrecy around my debt disappeared. Suddenly, I felt freer. Over the coming months, I began to tell more people about my problem. Some people reacted in shock. Others shrugged their shoulders and admitted they had more than me. Seemingly, my vulnerability and authenticity encouraged others to share their honest reactions and their own debt stories.

I wasn’t alone anymore with this staggering number. I wouldn’t be kept up at night anymore. Being able to share my story enabled me to take responsibility for errors and realize how I could improve. The two combined in perfect harmony into Frugaling.org.

The pressures of society are powerful

I was worried about the stigma of debt. I noticed in popular media and casual conversations that debt was comparable to ill morals. Poorer people are vilified for making mistakes and not working hard enough. I was told that if I share my bank statements and my debt load openly that that was tantamount to indecent exposure. Maybe they’re right, but by facing my problem head on and sharing freely, something beautiful happened.

Unsubsidized Student Loan Chart Debt Question
My unsubsidized student loans were going crazy. In August 2013, they reached $25,000. By the end of April, they’ll be paid off completely!

After I started Frugaling.org, I began to pack more lunches, choose more affordable clothing stores (haven’t purchased anything in 8 months), make a budget I could actually follow, and radically reduce my debt. I made more money and paid my loans off in huge chunks.

Being honest and risking rejection was one of the most difficult things I’ve done. But I’m certain now that this openness is the strongest method and pressure to fixing a bloated, dangerous debt course. Changing the path can seem difficult — you’re going to want people supporting you. By admitting your debt load, you’ll be making your first step towards zero and have a team of people cheering you on.

Have you shared your total debt with other people? What was it like sharing your story? How do you find support in your journey back to zero debt?

Filed Under: Loans Tagged With: car loan, credit, credit cards, debt, Frugal, loans, Student Loans

I Am Grayson Bell, Founder Of Debt Roundup, And This Is How I Work

By Frugaling 7 Comments

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Grayson Bell of Debt Roundup
Grayson Bell

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been emailing and interviewing the top writers (e.g., the founders of Budgets Are Sexy, The Broke And Beautiful Life, Frugal Rules, and Modest Money) in the personal finance community. They’re a wonderful, supportive group of people. I’d encourage anyone that’s struggling to make ends meet to reach out for support and guidance from them.

Today, we are fortunate to have Grayson Bell of Debt Roundup. He’s a leading writer in the field, and is a total success story. He came back from $50,000 in credit card debt and lived to tell the tale! I’m happy to share this 5th interview with all of you. Thanks, Grayson!

What inspired you to begin DebtRoundup.com?

I had just made my last payment on my credit card debt. It was over $50,000 to start and I was super excited to pay it off. After the payment, I figured I could share my story with others. My personal story is just a little different because I racked up debt from starting and running a business. It turns out that many enjoyed my story.

How did people (friends, family, etc.) react when you first started?

My family knew about it right after I started it. My wife supported me through the whole thing. Since I have always been someone that worked with online ventures, they weren’t surprised at all. My friends did get a little jolt when I told them. They always thought I had my financial life in order. They were wrong!

What was your experience with design, code, web work prior to starting your site?

Debt Roundup Screen Shot
Screenshot of Debt Roundup

I taught myself how to code when I started my e-commerce business. I have been doing it for close to 10 years. I actually offer coding and design tweaks to many other bloggers because of my experience. That is one part of my business that I am trying to grow.

What advice would you give to those thinking about starting their own site?

Just do it. Starting a blog is awesome, but know that it is a lot of work. If you want to become successful, then understand that it is a time commitment. I would also suggest that anyone looking to blog get setup on a real domain running WordPress. That is the real way to blog and grow. I have a great guide on how to start a blog on my site.

How do you make money from your site?

Wait, you can make money blogging? OK, just kidding. I make money in a variety of ways, which include affiliate promotion and Google AdSense. I make the most of my money freelancing for other sites, which found me from my blog.

What do you think you’ve learned from your readers and fans?

This is the best part about blogging. Connecting with the readers is a true experience. I love writing something and then getting feedback from my loyal readers. The biggest thing I have learned is to keep my mind open when it comes to how I manage my money. There are so many different ways to handle your finances that it can be mind-boggling. I really enjoy seeing how others deal with their money.

How can somebody in lower incomes best overcome financial hurdles and prosper?

This is an extremely tough question to answer. The main thing I can say is to have a desire to make a change first and foremost. If you don’t truly want to make a change, then you never will. Take it upon yourself to gain more education. Knowledge leads to opportunities, and opportunities lead to lifestyle changes. I have come across many that started out in lower-income brackets and have worked their way out and now thrive. These people were extremely motivated to start.

Who are your financial role models?

I am not the type of person that likes to focus on role models. No one is perfect and no one has all the right answers. For this reason, I don’t dedicate my time to following one person. I learn about money from the people I interact with on other personal finance blogs as well as my own. I guess you can call them my role models.

What personal finance sites do you read?

These days I don’t get to read much, but when I do have time, I like to read Budgets are Sexy, Frugal Rules, Making Sense of Cents, and Club Thrifty.

What else would you care to share with the readers of Frugaling?

First, thank you Sam for including me in this interview series. I am honored. Secondly, if you really want to make a financial change in your life, then go do it. Action leads to results, so don’t be afraid to take action and find opportunities.

The true power to make a change starts and ends with you.

Want to read more interviews like this one? Read the entire interview series here!

Filed Under: Interviews Tagged With: Advice, Blog, Blogging, credit cards, debt, Debt Roundup, Financial, Founder, How I Work, loans, Payments, Personal Finance, Website, writer

5 Tricks To Save Money At Starbucks (Updated)

By Frugaling 34 Comments

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5 Tricks To Save Money At Starbucks (Updated). This is really helpful because I love Starbucks!

Updated: Unfortunately, Starbucks reduced certain benefits, and is making it more difficult to find these powerful savings. I’ve changed a couple points to reflect the shift.

Starbucks is a favorite scapegoat of budget-minded personal finance gurus. Spending $4-5 on an espresso drink is unfathomable. The basic understanding is that if you spend that much every day or even a few times a week, it adds up. Spend $5 for 120 days (1/3 a year) and you’re looking at a staggering bill of $608. For someone on a strict budget that can really hamper your goals. Few people who are frugaling would argue that they have an extra $608 lying around for coffee.

Today, I’m presenting a slightly different angle. As a student, I’m often away from home for extended hours. I frequently make coffee before I leave, but I like to have a cup in the middle of the day, too. This presents a budget versus energy conundrum: To have the coffee and get my rocket fuel, or save money and feel tired.

Rather than choose one option, I’ve decided to save money at Starbucks and reduce the amount of times I frequent the major coffee chain. When you look at the prices at your local Starbucks, you probably see a variety of high-priced, calorie-packed drinks – all exorbitantly indulgent and painful to your pocketbook. But the way I see it, I immediately take 12-13% off that price – every time.

Save Money at Starbucks Storefront Store Logo Flickr
Photo: shinji_w/flickr

Here are 5 tricks for staying frugal at your favorite coffeehouse:

1. BYOT: Bring Your Own Tumbler ($0.10 discount)

Anytime you bring your own mug or tumbler, Starbucks rewards you with a $0.10 cup discount. Filling up a 16+ ounce tumbler should cost you over $2, but the discount helps keep it under that. I always carry mine around, as it’s far greener than using and throwing away paper cups every day. An added perk of using a tumbler is that it stays warmer for longer and you drink slower.

2. Use, Register Your Starbucks Card (8.33% discount)

This is pretty simple: Get a Starbucks card and register it online. Yes, you’ll sacrifice some privacy and Starbucks will have a rough estimate of every location you could possibly be in (just think how many Starbucks there are in the world). In exchange for this location information, Starbucks rewards you with 8.33% (or more) and free refills on brewed coffees.

Basically, once you register the card and start using it, you’ll collect drink points. For every 12 drinks/food items, I get a free one. When I bring my own tumbler ($0.10 discount) and use that with my Starbucks card, I’m actually receiving an additional 8.33% off the final price in the form of a future reward. The best part is that the reward can be for anything. Once you collect your twelfth bonus drink, you can use it for a venti whateverfrap at $5 or buy a bacon gouda sandwich (like I often do). These both cost more than my traditional morning/afternoon coffee, and effectively cause your total discount per order to be even more than 8.33%!

3. Order The “Short” (cheaper and you still get free refills)

What’s a “short”? Well, it’s an off-the-menu drink size that every Starbucks employee knows about. Instead of the tall size, which is 12 oz, the short is a measly 8 oz. Now, if you’re on-the-go and a regular coffee drinker like me, it’s hard to fathom drinking such a paltry sum (am I right?). But if you’ve got some time on your hands and you’ll be hanging out at Starbucks, it’s by far the best deal.

Order a short coffee with your registered Starbucks card and you’ll pay a face value of about $1.65 (depending on the location). Based on the 10% discount from before, your short, brewed coffee will ring in around $1.49. At that price, you’re likely to beget the myth that Starbucks is a super expensive coffee chain. The best part is that you can still get free refills on these drinks, too! I regularly get a refill, which effectively halves the price per cup at $0.75.

4. Use A Rewards Card To Pay Your Starbucks Card (2% discount)

I’m back to using credit cards after a brief experiment only using cash. When used responsibly, credit cards can maximize your savings for purchases you were already going to complete. When you refill/top off your Starbucks card using a rewards credit card, you still get the bonus points that the credit issuer pays out.

Let’s say I use a rewards credit card to refill my account. By doing so, I get an immediate 2% discount to the Starbucks refill/order. If you follow the previous method, you’re actually going to be paying only $0.73 per cup!

Animated Coffee Gif Save Money At Starbucks

5. Buy Starbucks Coffee At A Grocery Store ($5 per pound)

This is one of the simplest methods to save when you’re out and about and need a coffee fix: Buy a pound of Starbucks coffee at your local market. On the front of every bag of Starbucks coffee nowadays should be a coupon for a free tall coffee. To be honest, Starbucks coffee is hardly ever the most inexpensive, frugal choice at the supermarket, but when you combine free drink deals and maybe a coupon from the Sunday ads, you’re in serious business.

Starbucks regularly offers a $2 off coupon on the purchase of 2 one-pound bags of coffee. Let’s say one pound is $8 – multiply that by 2 and you’ll get $16. Use your coupon and the price gets knocked down to around $14. The two bags will include two tall coffees, as well. That is a value of about $4. Effectively, this brings your grand total for the 2 bags to about $10 after all your savings ($5 a pound).

Unfortunately, the free coffee for a bag of coffee is actively being phased out. Scoop up some of the last bags with the old design, and you’ll still get a free cup!

Filed Under: Save Money Tagged With: Bonus, Card, Coffee, Cup, Discounts, Espresso, Free, Freebies, Mug, Refill, Save Money, savings, Secrets, Starbucks

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