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Frugal Articles of the Week

Every week I like to feature a few frugal articles that caught my eyes. Curl up in your favorite reading nook and enjoy. Hopefully these encourage you to live frugal lives!

The Benefits of Living Alone on a Mountain by Brian Bolster
Most of us are living lives like rats on a wheel, and it’s hard to find moments to stop and think. I, for one, could use that right about now. The following video comes from a mini-doc on a U.S. Forest Service fire patroller who scans the mountains for any signs of danger. He goes every fire season and finds it be one of the best times of the year. There’s downtime, reading, and an amazing connection to the world around him. Best part? He gets paid to do it!

Simple Living through Staying Single by a Redditor “Blue-Jasmine”
I’m not one for linking to Reddit posts in my weekly articles, but this one caught my eye. This woman talks about the process of breaking up with a boyfriend, joining dating sites, and then realizing an inner happiness and simpler life as a single person. Loved this little story!

The Most Underrated Sound in Our Society by Joshua Becker
This week, Joshua knocked it out of the park and focused on being mindful of sound; more importantly, appreciating silence. We live in a busy, fast-paced society that constantly demands for our attention. Silence is a rare commodity, and usually, doesn’t cost a thing. Beautiful reminder that we need to slow down enjoy all our senses.

Dating As A Minimalist

By Frugaling 23 Comments

Becoming a minimalist, then dating…

I recently joined an online dating site. This isn’t the first time, but it’s definitely one of the longest periods of keeping a profile and messaging people. The results have been surprising, and a couple of conversations may turn into more.

But my mind toils over my values. Something about joining a site and attempting to meet new people pushes me to buy new clothes, furniture, and conform to the idealistic picture of success. I switch to a basic consumer, and it goes against everything I’ve tried to accomplish with this website.

Joining the frugal frontier has led me to sell the extraneous and embrace minimalism (e.g., I’m actively trying to sell my remaining books, as I’ve switched to ebooks). Amidst this lifestyle shift, the cost of dating seems to be measured in more than a meal.

There’s a psychological change — for better and worse — associated with going into “dating mode.” That mode urges me to buy, buy, buy. Like a laser beam surveying my belongings, I scan my apartment for the out-dated and unimpressive.

Out with the old, in with the new?

Dating mode makes me think, “Maybe I should get a nice, full couch?” Yeah, that would really spruce up my apartment. Cost would be no object. I want something that speaks to my unique personality. I don’t want to stoop to some cheap, tattered, beat up couch — that’s not me. Moreover, maybe I should’ve kept my TV — because what would a couch be without one? It’s like I draw from a catalog every time I enter this state.

Dating mode pushes me to upgrade my wardrobe. Most days I think I have the perfect amount of clothes — providing style and warmth, and offering a wealth of options year round. But when I enter this other place, I see the fault in everything. I think, “Look at my pants! I bought these about 5 years ago. Why do I still have them?” In this warped state: “That shirt isn’t crisp enough. It’s gotta go.”

Dating mode suppresses my critical mind. All I can think about is the stink of old versus new. Everything is stale and worn out. As a mere extension of what I own, I feel stale and worn out.

There’s only one solution: own it!

Not only can my budget not withstand wanton purchases, but I left that life — intentionally. It took a significant leap of faith to buck the trend — what we’re told and sold by corporate America. The Ikea catalog and Macy’s mannequin sell a life I’ve always strived for, but it’s artificial and constructed for maximal spend. Unfortunately, I’m conscious that many people subscribe and aspire to this “perfect” home and wardrobe.

Does that minimize my ability to see and date people? Perhaps, but here’s the important part: I’m willing to take the risk that someone doesn’t like me for my aged wardrobe and accoutrements. This is who I am. I am an environmentally conscious minimalist. I’m frugal, clip coupons, and look for the generic brands. I’m interested in saving for a future. I struggle to spend without restrictions, as there’s an entire class of people — globally — that don’t have enough healthy food, water, and basic necessities.

There’s only one solution that fits my new lifestyle: to own who I’ve become. I can’t be ashamed of this life I’ve chosen and the new path I’m taking. I have loved paring down my wardrobe, selling my car, buying a bike, and sharing my story with people. Hopefully, someone will see that passion when the time comes.

Love is a click away, but is it worth paying for online dating?

By Frugaling 4 Comments

Online dating: From stigma to commonplace

We sat in the high school parking lot, and I laughed every now and then — awkwardly I may add. David Gray blasted over the car speakers, and I squirmed with tension and anxiety. My hands felt sweaty, and I remember rubbing them on my pants to dry them off. After an impossibly long period of time — my mind spinning with questions — I leaned over and had my first kiss.

Dating was different back then. When I graduated high school in 2007, love and like were simple, in-person concepts. That was one month prior to Apple’s famous iPhone release. After that, the Internet was accessible everywhere. Everything completed IRL (“In Real Life”) could be duplicated online — a mirror.

Online dating started to boom in popularity and I heard news/rumors about this growing trend. Honestly, it seemed like it was only for old farts and socially awkward people. Dating seemed effortless in college. In a way, I thought you had to fail at “real life” to turn to online dating.

I had a huge bias: Why would anybody turn to online dating?

This is more popular than I thought

11% of American adults…have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps (Pew Internet Research)

By the time I graduated college, online dating was much less stigmatized. In fact, a shocking number of people have tried it. Based on U.S. Census numbers, that equates to about 33 million people in America who’ve tried online dating. TechCrunch reported that, “38% of people who are ‘single and looking’ have used a dating site or app.”

After I graduated college and was suddenly single, I decided to start my first profile. I was embarrassed to tell anyone. Uploading my pictures and customizing that profile made it real. I tried to represent myself as best as I could, but always felt askew — was this really me? Off and on throughout the years I joined dating sites and actually had some entertaining meetups. Slowly, my stigma began to disappear. Despite all this acceptance, I’ve never paid for online dating.

Should/would you pay for online dating?

Free dating sites have exploded in popularity among Millennials, and the options are plentiful. From swipe-to-date apps like Tinder to the question-and-match power of OkCupid, these sites are exceptionally popular with younger generations. OkCupid offers one of the largest populations of potential matches — all free. People can try out the site, message freely, and quit whenever they want. The intention and commitment is minimal, and the potential is great.

Stalwart dating sites such as Match and eHarmony charge monthly fees for access/communication with other prospective daters. Match.com offers an easy, free signup where you can look at matches, but you can’t send messages or get a phone number until you pay the fee. It costs about $35.99 per month to use this service. eHarmony provides a similar dating and match service for potential compatibility. The site offers a detailed personality inventory to gauge your needs in a potential match. To access these features, you’re looking at $59.95 per month. At these prices, it’s hard not to feel like they’re gauging your wallet to gauge your compatibility.

To pay $36 or $60 a month for an opportunity to meet someone is a scary amount of money — especially if you stay online for multiple months. But sometimes it’s worth the price. Paying for online dating sites is a proof of your intention and seriousness to other people. That monthly fee suggests you’re likely desiring a committed relationship. Likewise, that purpose attracts a community of people that can be hard to come by on free dating sites.

Unfortunately, the for-pay websites often use shady tactics to attract visitors and hook people with longer-term contracts. For instance, Match.com doesn’t show you who can receive messages. And eHarmony forces you to take a survey that takes about 30-40 minutes, suggests you’ll see your “matches,” but then limits how much of the profiles can be seen without a price. These tricky business practices scare me, and they should scare your budget. Here are some eHarmony reviews if you wanted to get some more information about the dating app.

When it comes to paying for online dating, I can’t imagine spending the money. Maybe I’ll eat my words someday, but I don’t want to spend money on something that’s available for free elsewhere — regardless of the overall intention among members. I’m excited that people are interested and open to meeting through new mediums, but I question the expense.

Would you ever pay for online dating? Have you noticed any difference between free or subscription-based sites?

How To Stay Frugal When Dating

By Frugaling 5 Comments

Years ago I bought a car that was beyond my budget, purchased clothing from upscale retailers with student loans, and ate out for almost every meal. This disaster scenario was largely motivated by what I felt were social pressures. As a single man in college, I was compelled to outwardly display my worth. It cost me thousands of dollars.

Whether a male archetype as a provider or just wanting to flaunt objective measures of wealth while dating, our culture is fraught with beliefs that being a worthy suitor is linked to the things we own, display, and hold. This errant thinking can lead to great insecurities that motivate Veblen-style, conspicuous consumption. A $5,000 watch exclaims your wealth, but not your inner worth.

Dating requires a deep self-examination of what you value and hold true. Being frugal when dating tests this self-worth amidst conservative outer spending. Does the flashy car or fashion make you worthy of like, lust, and/or love? Maybe, but I’m here to say there’s a different, better, and more meaningful way.

1. Realize Your Inner Worth

How much are you worth? If you were to look at my Mint.com account, you’d see a red number that starts with: –. I refuse to believe this net worth represents inner worth. Losing your sense of inner worth can lead to excessive spending and problematic approaches to dating. Worth-iness when dating is more than monetary. If someone cannot see past this, they likely aren’t for you.

There’s even an advantage to thrifty, frugal, and penny-pinching behavior: You save for the future.

2. Own Your Frugality

Contrary to dating lore, opposites do not attract and tend to make for poor relationships. People tend to be attracted to similar traits. Friendships and relationships represent what we value. We seek people that identify with our goals and motivation. I aspire to have friends that love to talk openly and deeply. I aspire to have relationships that are loving and kind.

Frugaling with friendships and relationships is no different. Look for these similarities. If this is important to you, don’t be afraid to share and find out. Own it.

3. Fun and Frugal Dates

There’s a fear that the frugal life equals less fun. This unfortunate myth is tied to individuals, rather than the lifestyle. You can be exciting, new, and adventurous – regardless of your budget (I spent 5 days in Costa Rica for less than $300). Being fun and frugal means getting creative and inventive at little to no cost.

Looking for a romantic and frugal dinner? Try cooking at home, setting up some candles, and popping up an affordable bottle of wine.

Here are five articles for more frugal date ideas:

Important: You may assume that attraction includes flashy displays of wealth, but you may be surprised by the person you’re dating. After weeks of feeling like my girlfriend wanted to eat out and have fancy outings, I finally asked what she prefered. To my pleasant surprise, all she wanted was some quality time. Eating in sounded perfect.